Epic Rap Battle Of History-God vs Sana

You're a fat bloke, snorting that coke, robbing houses by the night light,

I made the human race, while you save face, and I have all the goddamn might,

I could strike you down, let you drown, you would be so fat you'd roll around,

It's not the revolutionary war, but I'm a revolution and I'll beat you like those folks at Yorktown.

You cannot comprehend my power, cause most folks don't even believe in you,

You're a shoo in, a slave owner, while my son was resurrected an born anew.

Your entire holiday is based off of the birth of my son,

Compared to me your power is about none.

You groom children, you steal cookies, and you're a pedophile

I'm the savior of the human race, I'm the most versatile,

I created you, I'm your father, so don't go insulting me,

My rhyme slays your flow, I stab you with a Christmas tree.

I'm the bane of your existence, you just go around the world giving presents,

You walk around with that hat of yours, thinking you're the greatest,

You're an elf abuser, and give bad children coal,

364/365 days you just sit around getting old.

References explained

• G = God
  
• Real G = genuine gangster
  
• OD = overdose
  
• Anagram of a real G = the villain God blames = Satan [which is an anagram of Santa]
  
• Ire = deep wrathful anger (not to be confused with the word ‘fire’)
  
• Beer is alcoholic and Islam forbids the consumption of alcohol, by ‘Islamic’ I am referring to the God of Islam AKA Allah
  
• Reign and Deer are revolving both as a pun around the term reindeer and also as a symbol of Santa needing his deer less than God needs his angels
  
• Disney has many Christmas movies but the key part of this, is that Disney is involved in conspiracies of world domination and control and is said to support the Illuminati's agenda.
  
• A lot of references in Round 1 refer to the fact that Santa Claus is also called Father Christmas, the 'christ' in the christmas and the fact he's also called Saint Niklaus/Nicholas in folklore are things that get brought up. 
  
• The other references should be easier to pick up than these, I believe you'll catch onto them if you're paying attention.

Do I spell your name in the way you claim or the little-g, isn’t it really all the same?
I’ll tell you a secret, G, without the T my name aint sane, in-sana-ty must be rampant in your omniscient brain,
What are you exactly? Did you back Abel or Cain? ‘Cause if you’re omnipotent, why’ve you got a villain to blame?
Anagram of a real G, come and OD on my cane, guess the love triangle between you and your son’s Ghost needs a ride on the Niklaus train,
I mean after all I’m both the ‘father’ and ‘Christ’ in one, like your son Lucifer would be if he had more balls and less chain,
My elves never rebel, they know their place and they strain to please me, even my deer are a species that reminds you I reign,
But with all the ire and flames, you can’t inspire your domain, your own son is the devil, and people mass-murder due to verses in your name.
You’re a wreck of a ruler, people doubt that you exist,
Yet even their doubt isn’t total, they dare not call you myth,
I’m so subtle people think the presents are all luck, hit and miss,
Who d’you think fucks with their brains to decide whether or not they get each wish on their list?
Who decides who buys whom what, at that time of year?
I do, because Disney paid me billions to buy my deer,
You are all powerful, all knowing, right? Weird,
‘Cause I must at the very least be considered your peer,
I’m depicted as Saint Nicholas, altered your son’s date of birth and jacked your beard,
How’d all that happen if Santa was just an old fat grump with a sneer?
There’s a red and green version of me, but let me make myself clear,
In this debate I’ll paint the wall like your soul’s a fibrous mango and the Contender blends ya’ like some diarrhea,
You’re a real hard worker, 24/7 you’re feared,
I tip my hat to you, and if you’re not the Islamic type, let me give you a beer,
Oh, guess I may as well drink it considering you’re also never here.

Every single fucking thing I do has a goddamn reason,

I don't hate my self, cause there's nothing to hate, 'cause I'm omnipotent,

You insult me rapidly for no one believing me,

yet the very source of your power, comes from kids who're 3.

You're a corporate ass, companies makes shit off of you,

You give presents to the good, how come no adults ever talk to you,

It's true, I come out of the blue, explosion,

My very existence is too much for you to think about, that's why I'm unspoken.

Wow! You think you matter!

Who created reindeer, you or me? The latter.

My own son abandoned me, 'cause he was a simp.

And he's gonna punish you when you go down with him.

You're mentally ill, I am the real all father,

Your "Christmas" before me was drunkards running 'round a fire,

Me? A wreck, ha! I'll just cry a tsunami,

You have billions! Sure! I'll just snap money,

out of existence, socially distant,

'Cause you'll have a persistent reminiscence,

of your "kinda" existence, when every adult is forced into admission,

That you story's inconsistent, but does it make a difference

if you stay inside on the 25th instead of making an interference

You've got a reminiscence of what you used to be,

If you have no elves or reindeer, you'd just be an oaf running free,

I'm am an actual RAP GOD, you're just a saint pretending,

You didn't alter my son's birth, when he came ascending

to the heavens, yeah, you weren't even born,

You were a turkish motherfucker who was addicted to porn

Now you're torn from the person who you sworn,

to be faithful to, you insult my son he's the prince of darkness, Ozzy Osbourne,

If you could give every person a present on the earth,

you'd be fucking dead, cause that's how physics work

Wrong: a guy who's being a

Right: a guy who's been in a

W: keep be around

R: keep me around

I'm a "corporate ass" but what's this accusation?

Your debaucherous madness has you turning Pagan,

Coming up with outright lies, the truth has been forsaken,

I never touched a kid, only fingered grown maidens,

I come down chimneys swift, no children near awaken,

You get shoved down their throat until their brains are scarred for life; told to serve in your name and hate on Satan,

When they get to an age where they can question their ways, then they get pressured to stay put or experience familial dissassociation,

You promise heaven and hell, rebirth and reincarnation, I promise gifts for the good, no mysteries or approximations,

So, think twice before you comes at me with your aggravation-driven condemnations if you don't want truth unfolded with such agglomeration.

You say that I am Turkish as an insult, are you struggling?

John 7:24: "Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment."

If you wanna dig my history up, how 'bout being less obstructionist?

Remind them of how in my days as a Turk, I saved succulent prostitutes by paying they fathers lump sums while you both invented every hardship and then struggled to end suffering,

I resurrected dead children, Saint Nich was a hero that nobody was fuckin' with,

You calling me a pedo's a sullen attempt at doing to me what's been plenty times done to you by secular governments,

I do things and people assume you're the puppeteer running shit, in reality I used your glory for my gain, you're just convenient sustenance,

You ego's bleeding, G, you're stuttering from befuddlement, rhyming 'reason' with 'potent' a sign your thundering heart's a byproduct of shuddering in the presence of such dominance,

You're a worthless absence of anything, if we break it down to the fundament, you were what was there before everything, ergo you are just substanceless nothingness,

They say Christmas Eve just to rub in an irony, so ultimate, Adam needed you to create Eve because he was able to resist Lilith, your botched attempt at a succubus.