For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!

Author: BrotherDThomas

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FOR SINGLE CHRISTIAN MEN THAT ARE LOOKING FOR A WIFE OF YOUR DREAMS:

Shown below as the inspired word of our particular chosen God of the Bronze and Iron Age, Jesus the Christ,  is how to get a proper wife, praise! Christians, dust off your bible on the coffee table, or remove it from being a doorstop, and open it up for a change to find the proper scripture in finding a wife of your dreams, whereas some passages in this endeavor are shown below! You can thank me later.


1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours! (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

2. Find a prostitute and marry her. YIKES, whatever works! (Hosea 1:1-3)

3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock, and biblically, he should give you one of his daughters, easy peasy! (Exodus 2:16-21)

4. Purchase a piece of property and get a woman as part of the deal. (Ruth 4:5-10)

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women comes out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife, how easy is this!  (Judges 21:19-25)                                               

6. Have the brutal serial killer Yahweh/Jesus God create a wife for you while you are asleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. (Genesis 2:19-24)

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Fourteen years of toil to get a wife, ouch! (Genesis 29:15-30)

8. This should be a favorite for all pseudo-christian men looking for a wife. Cut off 200 foreskins of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife in return!  (I Samuel 18:27)

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone. Its all relative.  (Genesis 4:16-17)

10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest and choose a wife. (Esther 2:3-4)

11. When you see someone you think could be your wife, go home and tell your parents and say: “I have seen a woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me!”  (Judges 14:1-3)

12. Kill any husband and take his wife. The drawback is to prepare to lose four sons, damn it.  (2 Samuel 11)

13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow as your wife. ( (Deuteronomy 25:5-10)

14. Don’t be so damn picky in choosing a wife. Make up for quality with quantity, praise! (1 Kings 11:1-3)


There you have it, no need for those expensive Christian Only Dating Sites, just use our Bible’s godly inspired words for a change to find the proper wife, praise! 

I have followed a few of these passages in obtaining my 7 wives over the years, because of the simple fact that Jesus told us to be “fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 9:1) so I can add future Christian Soldiers for the cause, thank you Jesus!  The only problem with this scenario was that my wives life ambition was to be able to “sit up.”  :(

 
Are there any Christian men that can give us stories in how they biblically got their wives in marriage? Don't be shy! 

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@BrotherDThomas

Yes, Cain did marry his sister.

Lemming
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Personally, to me this sounds more like a post mocking religion,
Than an honest attempt at truth or understanding,
All posts like this do is drive genuine religious folk 'away from DART.
Better off in the artistic section, since there's no humor section.
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@Lemming
Personally, to me this sounds more like a post mocking religion,

And an atheist wouldn't expect you to think any different once these vile misogynistic BIBLICAL verses have been highlighted for all to see them for what they are. 


Than an honest attempt at truth or understanding,

You are more than welcome to share your truth or understanding, why don't you?


All posts like this do is drive genuine religious folk 'away from DART.

Why do you believe that? I would have thought that "genuine religious folk" would hold their ground and simply explain to us these BIBLICAL verses if you believe they mean something other than what they actually do say. Do you have a defence that explains this misogyny?



genuine religious folk

And are you one of the "genuine religious folk" ? 






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Instead of choosing a wife, how about a husband? ;)
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@Lemming


Lemming,

YOUR QUOTE "MOCKING" CHRISTIANITY: "Personally, to me this sounds more like a post mocking religion, Than an honest attempt at truth or understanding,"

Tell the membership, how can direct passages from the Bible be mocking Christianity?!  The direct understanding of said passages is self-evident, they are what they represent, in how a superior man can get an inferior woman to be his wife, GET IT?

YOUR IRONIC POST WHEREAS MY POST DRIVES "GENUINE" CHRISTIANS AWAY FROM DART: "All posts like this do is drive genuine religious folk 'away from DART,"

How could that happen, other than the pseudo-christian is embarrassed about Jesus' inspired words relative to "how to find a wife" passages in the Bible? So far there hasn't been a Christian man within this thread in having to agree with Jesus in what He proposed in the passages in question, therefore, what does that say?

You see, this is why I am the ONLY true Christian upon this Religion forum, because I have to accept ALL of the Bible in what it teaches. Whereas others that don't accept said passages as an assumed Christian, or RUN AWAY from them, are simply called "pseudo-christians" which make up 99.99 percent of this faction here on DART, understood? 


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@Intelligence_06


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Intelligence_06,

YOUR QUOTE OF A 2ND CLASS CHRISTIAN WOMAN LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND:  "Instead of choosing a wife, how about a husband? ;)"

I am assuming that you didn't mean a man looking for another man as a husband where Jesus' inspired words state that this couple therefore should be put to death:  “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.” (Leviticus 20:13). As shown, Jesus DID NOT like the gay community!!!

Therefore, as my JUDEO-Christian Bible so states, woman are inferior to men, and they were only put upon earth by Jesus being God to propagate children and to be at the beckon call of the superior man: "For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man." ( 1 Corinthians 11:8-9)

Always remember in Christianity, it is the man's duty to seek out the 2nd class woman in marriage, and it is NEVER the woman's responsibility to perform this act because of their lower class status as a woman. “But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp the authority over the man, but to be in silence.” (Timothy 2:12) 


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@BrotherDThomas
So you're suggesting these are practiced, legitimate practices of current Christians? Not a gag post made with the purpose of inflaming people? Sources for each scripture pls with examples of the majority of major Christian religions practicing this in large quantity. If, as you also say, you follow the entirety of the Bible, are you suggesting you intend to practice these things? Show your work. Or as the kids say, pics or it didn't happen.
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@Stephen
@MonkeyKing

MonkeyKing,

YOUR QUESTIONING THE JUDEO-CHRISTIAN BIBLE QUOTE: "So you're suggesting these are practiced, legitimate practices of current Christians?"  Not a gag post made with the purpose of inflaming people?" 

First thing, where do you get the authority to slap Jesus in the face and call His inspired words a "GAG" in how to get a wife?!  MonkeyKing, furthermore, tell the membership in how using actual biblical passages as shown by me, relative to the topic in question, is also used to inflame Bible inept pseudo-christians like you? Said passages are what they are, and if you're embarrassed over these passages, then that is your problem to take it up with Jesus in prayer, understood? BLASPHEME!  The passages in question are suggestions, whereas YOU are making them as a GAG, and in turn, you are embarrassing Christianity in what you want said passages to be, you little minion of Satan!

Furthermore, at your expense, Jesus said the following: "So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32). Therefore when you abide in Jesus' words in "how to get a woman for marriage passages," you will know the truth He has given you, and that the truth will set you free with a new wife! Get it Bible fool?


YOUR COMICAL GOING NO WHERE QUOTE: "Sources for each scripture pls with examples of the majority of major Christian religions practicing this in large quantity."

How could you make such a dumbfounded sophomoric question like you laughably did above! HELLO?!  The bottom line is that ALL, I repeat, ALL Christian DIVISIONS of the faith can practice Jesus' inspired words shown in how a Christian man can get a wife, or not, it is that simple. AGAIN, they are "suggestions," and not Bible law or commandments, understood Bible fool?  


YOUR EVER SO WANTING AND COMICAL QUOTE AGAIN: "If, as you also say, you follow the entirety of the Bible, are you suggesting you intend to practice these things? Show your work. Or as the kids say, pics or it didn't happen."

I've already told you, I have already practiced a few of the listed passages of suggestion, like Ruth 4:5-10, Genesis 4:16-17, 1 Kings 11:1-3, and Deuteronomy 25:5-10, where logically I didn't take any pictures because it was not out of line in following Jesus' inspired words in this vein, to later have to insidiously prove a point to Bible inept pseudo-christians like you!   In turn, do you take pictures of yourself when praying, or going to church, in giving money for the collection plate, etc., etc., etc. so we can know that you actually performed these acts, or is it the normal act just doing them where no confirmation is needed to prove a point later on. Get the connection Bible fool?  Huh? Maybe? LOL!


NEXT CONFUSED BIBLE DUMBFOUNDED PSEUDO-CHRISTIAN LIKE MONKEYKING WILL BE ... ?
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@MonkeyKing
So you're suggesting these are practiced, legitimate practices of current Christians?

Probably not but the point is these verses are still in the bible  and there to be practiced as if they were written just yesterday..

To my mind they cannot be justified today no more than they could be justified at the time they were written.. They are vile misogynistic verses that neither you nor any Christian can justify, can you?
I have said it on this forum many times that this is what comes of thicko Christians adopting a god they didn't understand, from and time they didn't understand, and a culture they didn't understand.  It is the baby of the Christian, and they should rock it!
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@BrotherDThomas
Do you prepare these each time or just the outline of bold and underlined headers to fill?

If you didn't have proof or pics you can just say so.
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@Stephen
So to be a "true" Christian, your expectation is that either Christians denounce themselves of their belief or go practice these things? 

I personally don't believe in Bible inerrancy so the point here is pretty underwhelming to me as far as whether or not my belief is a fallacy. The point I'm making is that the point being tried to be made is being done in a poor manner. In similar fashion, I could simply claim that Atheists lack morality and are trapped in a relativistic moral loop. Or in short hand, all atheists must be jerks since there is no universal code of ethics and until all of them prove their moral code we shouldn't assume any of them are good as soon as one of them sucks. Or since Atheists don't believe in any god that they should prove it by screaming it from the rooftops like the loudmouths they ought to be. Both of these statements are silly, as is the point here. If the goal is to debunk Christianity, you're better off focusing on the drawbacks of known doctrine or negative effects of religious culture. Or even just to show contradictions without being obnoxious, focusing on contradiction of legitimized teachings common to most Christianity. This sort of response is akin to telling a child they are a stupid idiot for trying to pull 3 cookies out of the cookie jar when only one comes out at a time and then clapping yourself on the back for being such a good influence. Sure, maybe you're right, but execution matters. TBH the goal of Mr. Thomas here is a little less clear considering he's either trolling or trying to preach a new strain of religion that's some intensive inerrancy Christian belief. I can't decide which is better.


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@MonkeyKing
 the goal of Mr. Thomas here is a little less clear considering he's either trolling or trying to preach a new strain of religion that's some intensive inerrancy Christian belief. I can't decide which is better.

You seem to have forgotten, they are vile misogynistic verses that neither you nor any Christian can justify, can you?
Deb-8-a-bull
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Why on earth would anyone want to have like three maybe  four wives that did as you requested of them?
Yeah four.
I mean.
Who would want that? 

Yuk 
Soooooo gross.

' kicks dirt '

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It soooooooooo appears that women played no major role in inventing  gods. 

To women. 


BrotherDThomas
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@MonkeyKing


YOUR HYPOCRITICAL QUOTE: "If you didn't have proof or pics you can just say so."


What part of my quote to you below didn't you understand Bible fool?

"In turn, do you take pictures of yourself when praying, or going to church, in giving money for the collection plate, etc., etc., etc. so we can know that you actually performed these acts, ..."

Now, if you don't have images of you performing the above acts, just say so, and therefore you remain the Bible stupid fool!  GET IT? HUH?
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@Stephen
@Tradesecret
@MonkeyKing


MonkeyKing, the runaway from biblical axioms just like Tradesecret,

Before I address anymore of your outright Bible stupidity, you don't get something for nothing, understood minion of Satan?  Therefore you conveniently forgot to address the propositions that I gave you in my godly post #9 shown below, therefore are you to embarrassed and SCARED to do so in front of the membership and Jesus, just like your cohort in being dumbfounded of the JUDEO-Christian Bible Tradesecret is?

AGAIN at your expense, address the following that you RAN AWAY from in my post #9 as a little wussy pseudo-christian:

BEGIN:

1.  "First thing, where do you get the authority to slap Jesus in the face and call His inspired words a "GAG" in how to get a wife?!  MonkeyKing, furthermore, tell the membership in how using actual biblical passages as shown by me, relative to the topic in question, is also used to inflame Bible inept pseudo-christians like you? Said passages are what they are, and if you're embarrassed over these passages, then that is your problem to take it up with Jesus in prayer, understood? BLASPHEME!  The passages in question are suggestions, whereas YOU are making them as a GAG, and in turn, you are embarrassing Christianity in what you want said passages to be, you little minion of Satan!

2.  Furthermore, at your expense, Jesus said the following: "So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32). Therefore when you abide in Jesus' words in "how to get a woman for marriage passages," you will know the truth He has given you, and that the truth will set you free with a new wife! Get it Bible fool? "


 YOUR COMICAL GOING NO WHERE QUOTE:
 "Sources for each scripture pls with examples of the majority of major Christian religions practicing this in large quantity."

3. How could you make such a dumbfounded sophomoric question like you laughably did above! HELLO?!  The bottom line is that ALL, I repeat, ALL Christian DIVISIONS of the faith can practice Jesus' inspired words shown in how a Christian man can get a wife, or not, it is that simple. AGAIN, they are "suggestions," and not Bible law or commandments, understood Bible fool?  


YOUR EVER SO WANTING AND COMICAL QUOTE AGAIN: "If, as you also say, you follow the entirety of the Bible, are you suggesting you intend to practice these things? Show your work. Or as the kids say, pics or it didn't happen."

4. I've already told you, I have already practiced a few of the listed passages of suggestion, like Ruth 4:5-10, Genesis 4:16-17, 1 Kings 11:1-3, and Deuteronomy 25:5-10, where logically I didn't take any pictures because it was not out of line in following Jesus' inspired words in this vein, to later have to insidiously prove a point to Bible inept pseudo-christians like you!   In turn, do you take pictures of yourself when praying, or going to church, in giving money for the collection plate, etc., etc., etc. so we can know that you actually performed these acts, or is it the normal act just doing them where no confirmation is needed to prove a point later on. Get the connection Bible fool?  Huh? Maybe? LOL!"




BrotherDThomas
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@Stephen
@Deb-8-a-bull


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Deb-8-a-bull,,

YOUR CONVOLUTED QUOTE:   "Why on earth would anyone want to have like three maybe  four wives that did as you requested of them?
Yeah four. I mean. Who would want that? 

To answer your question, TRUE Christian men, that's who!  

As the JUDEO-Christian Bible so states AGAIN, women are inferior and are put upon earth to supplicate to man, it's just that simple.   “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:22-24)




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@Stephen
@Tradesecret
@MonkeyKing



HAS ANYONE SEEN THE BIBLE FOOL "MONKEYKING" HIDING OUT UPON THIS FORUM BECAUSE HE HAS RAN AWAY FROM MY POST #17, IN RELATION TO HIM RUNNING AWAY FROM MY POST #9, JUST LIKE HIS EQUALLY BIBLE STUPID COHORT TRADESECRET DOES ALL THE TIME?





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@Lemming
I have no idea why he's allowed to continue to post in the religion section of this forum. Almost everything he post is a calling out of members of the forum which my understanding is against the rules.
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@Stephen
The verses are all Old Testament why don't you include Jews in your hate filled rhetoric.
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@Polytheist-Witch


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Polytheist-Witch,

YOUR IGNORANCE OF THE COC RULES QUOTE: "Almost everything he post is a calling out of members of the forum which my understanding is against the rules."

To prevent you from being even more stupid in the future, it is related to "SPECIFIC MEMBERS",  and not members in general, GET IT NOW?  

You're excused.
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@Polytheist-Witch
The verses are all Old Testament why don't you include Jews in your hate filled rhetoric.


If it pleases you for me to say Jewish Old Testament then I will . But the OT is read, taught, preached AND BELIEVED by Christians not Jews. Do you see your dilemma, Witch?

Those misogynistic verses are not mine. And if you choose to refer to them as " hate filled"  then take it up with the Christians...... or the Jews.  I have spread no hate here and you cannot point to where I have done so. 
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@Stephen
I think you're just cherry-picking which of the monotheist religions are going to criticize because you don't want to talk bad about Jews and Muslims because you don't hate them as much as you hate Christians.
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@Polytheist-Witch
I think you're just cherry-picking which of the monotheist religions are going to criticize because you don't want to talk bad about Jews and Muslims because you don't hate them as much as you hate Christians.

 Nope! I just knock great giant holes in the bible in general. I don't care that you or Christians have a faith. Good luck to you, I say.  It is these unreliable contradictory ambiguous scriptures that I have a problem with. So I will question and scrutinise them as I like. You can either rebut or simply but out. I don't care. 

SO, in your own time, are those verses misogynous or not, Witch?
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@Stephen
I don't care what they are I'm not a f******  monotheist nor do I have live by the Bible. This post is just another one of those we all hate Christians so let's post something about monotheism that we want to pick on Christians for and let's not discuss any sort of positive religious topics or other religions because the atheist don't give a s*** the only reason they're here is to tell theists we're all f****** mentally ill.
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@Polytheist-Witch
I don't care what they are I'm not a f******  monotheist nor do I have live by the Bible.


 But this thread is all about those verses, and  I consider them to be misogynistic.  So if you "don't care", or have an opinion, what the fk are doing posting on this thread?  


 let's not discuss any sort of positive religious topics or other religions

why don't you start a thread all about that which you consider "positively religious" ?  I would be more than happy to discuss and or debunk anything you believe positive about the OT in particular.  You see the OT is nothing more than an ancient war book recounting the wars  of gods and men. 
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@Stephen
No this thread is quoting Jewish text that was transferred to the Bible and calling Christians out for it while avoiding calling Jews and Muslims out for it. It's a hate post targeting Christian members of the forum.
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@Polytheist-Witch
@Stephen

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YOUR DESPICABLE QUOTE IN SAYING THAT THE PASSAGES IN QUESTION IN MY INITIAL POST SHOW CHRISTIANS ARE MENTALLY ILL!!!!:   "This post is just another one of those we all hate Christians so let's post something about monotheism that we want to pick on Christians for and let's not discuss any sort of positive religious topics or other religions because the atheist don't give a s*** the only reason they're here is to tell theists we're all f****** mentally ill."

WITCH, how dare you infer that Jesus' inspired words in the passages that I have shown in how Christian men can get a wife are there to show pseudo-christians are mentally ill?!  Jesus WROTE said passages (2 Peter 1:21), therefore are you calling Jesus mentally ill for writing them in the first place and including them into the JUDEO-Christian Bible?!  GET IT? HUH?

It is truly amazing that DEBATEART allows truly Bible inept members like you to remain upon this prestigious forum, whereas you exposing your outright  Bible stupidity gives this forum a bad name!
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@Polytheist-Witch
No this thread is quoting Jewish text that was transferred to the Bible and calling Christians out for it while avoiding calling Jews and Muslims out for it.

Then why don't you include Jews and Muslims in your post instead of complaining that they have been left out of the equation?

Jews do not teach from the bible with, and neither do Muslims. So start a thread  of your own. Meanwhile this thread happens to be about the bible and those misogynistic verses.




It's a hate post targeting Christian members of the forum.

Nope. It is a thread about finding a wife according to THE BIBLE!