Episode XI: The Christmas Bonus

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The very next day, Bsh was right back at the interrogation room, telling Mike his story. The very first thing he asked was about YYW. Mike brought in a doctor to consult Bsh,and after the nature of YYW's injuries were described the doctor concluded that he had almost certainly died immediately after his fight with bluesteel. Bsh pushed his grief aside. Thett had caused this. Perhaps if his ship had undergone its mandatory annual inspection, things would've gone differently. Now instead of a heroes death, YYW died breaking the rules. He had died a criminal, and it was Thett's fault. Thett HAD to be brought to justice. 
 
In exchange for his cooperation, Bsh was promised full immunity. Several days went by, and the number of legal regulations broken by Thett continued to pile up. The biggest violation occurred in 2018, when Thett had brokered a deal between his two close friends Kim Jung Un and Donald Trump, successfully averting a nuclear exchange. However unbeknownst to Bsh, Thett had failed to register as a foreign agent when he interceded with Trump to prevent him from dropping the bomb on the Norks. This was a potential felony.
 
Thus, three days after Bsh cooperated with the authorities the administration of President Kanye West appointed a special prosecutor to investigate Thett and all surviving members of the pirate crew.
 
However, given the sealed order handed down by Vice President Emilrose, officials high up in the administration doubted that the investigation would be necessary.
 
 
-------------
 
Thett didn't have many regrets. He had lived a truly legendary life, and he knew it. In addition,he was widely considered to be one of the most humble people in existence. Thett considered his humility to be his best virtue, and he was quite proud ofit. He considered his second best trait to be his decision making abilities, so it as very unusual for him to regret something. However he was quickly comingto regret bringing RationalMadman with him to finish the repair of the ship.
 
RM was a member of Mestaris crew, who was described as "a nice lad, but a bit confusing." RM was not nice to Thett though. At all. Not only did he ignore all orders Thett gave him, but he only spoke in rhymes. The two had come close to blows once, before Tyrone had forcibly broken them up. 
 
And now, as everyone else frantically packed up Mestari's palace or repaired the ship so they could escape this island before Zaradi told the authorities where it was, RM just sat back and threw diss rap after diss rap at Thett.
 
"Bitch, speak wrong about me one more time and that jaw where the threats spew out of’s gonna
become Thett3’s most missed bit,
Imma tear you apart, boy don’t you dare say you’re smart,
You’re a van-Gogh to DDO, I’m a Mozart to Debate Art," 

Thett gritted his teeth. Tyrone, Mikal, and Blamonkey who were working nearby just snickered.YYW, who had healed enough to leave his hospital bed, gave a booming laugh as he watched the crew at work. 
 
Tyrone was on the crows nest when he saw it. A strange shape in the distance, on the other side of the island...taking out his binoculars, he took one glance, and was only able to say "okay, this is epic" 

It was a WWII era battleship, proudly flying the old red white and blue.


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Once Zaradi had told the Military Industrial Complex what he had heard, the decision was clear. They had been searching for the whereabouts of Mestari, Airmax, and TUF for quite some time. Although the latter two were mere figurehead presidents, they commanded great respect from the public. Combined with Thett's star power, they could cause quite a bit of havoc if they went around trying to convince everyone that Democracy was a god that failed. Yes, the decision was painful but also very clear. 

The USS Missouri had recently been recommissioned along with a lot of other super cool battleships as part of President West's campaign promise to Make America Lit Again, and was currently doing anti-piracy operations near Mestari's island. Now that they knew the location of these dissenters, the ship was ordered to bombard the island.


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As soon as those words left Tyrone's lips, the bombardment began. 

"TAKE COVER!" Thett screamed, and the crew nearby the ship immediately went below deck. Through the porthole they could only watch as shell after shell landed on Mestari's palace until it was nothing but a smoldering ruin. Before they could see if there were any survivors, a stray shell hit the mast, breaking it off. The force of the impact dislodged the ship from the beach and rocketed them out into the sea. They were adrift! 

Not only were they adrift, but the ship was leaking, as they hadn't managed to patch the last hole. They had the wood, but they were totally out of bolts and even rope. 

Thinking quickly, Thett screamed "GIVE ME THAT!" and took blamonkeys cutlass. Tearing his shirt off, he took the cutlass to his breast and removed all of his thicc chest hair with a single swipe. It ended up coming off as a perfect rope, which they used to bind the wood patching the hole. 

They were safe, for now. But they were now enemies of the United States, adrift in hostile waters in a broken ship with a skeleton crew. 

Echoing everyones thoughts, YYW asked aloud:

"What the hell do we do now?"

-------------

They were adrift for several days before salvation came in an unlikely form--on the third day, the crew was spotted and rescued by a warship from the Ethiopian navy. After Thett explained the situation over a few rounds of grog, the captain agreed to help smuggle the crew into the United States using fake Ethiopian passports.

Days later as they were going through customs, Thett felt supremely uncomfortable standing next to Tyrone as he wore blackface. It was for the greater good, but if the photos of this ever leaked the internet mob would have an absolute field day. Surprisingly, the plan went off without a hitch and soon enough the crew was back in Washington, DC. Thett arranged for lodging for everybody and instructed them to lie low and to try and re establish with any useful contacts they might still have left. They were going to meet back in a week and hopefully come up with some semblance of a plan. Thett had no idea what they could do, but the knowledge of democracy being a failed god absolutely had to be spread. 

Since he was expecting no contact for an entire week, Thett was surprised when a mere three hours later an ashen faced YYW was frantically knocking at his door. 

"Thett, you've gotta come with me, I can't believe this--" 

"YY, what's going on?"

"You have to talk to him, he will explain everything" 

"Talk to who? About what? Slow down, you aren't making sense" 

"My old boss, he was the first person I contacted. My old boss at the FBI. We've been subverted" 

"YY, slow down. What's going on? Who is this mystery man?"

"His name is Robert Mueller."

spacetime
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HYPE
thett3
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--> @spacetime
thank you, sir. Would love a review 
RationalMadman
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bullshit story
thett3
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--> @RationalMadman
wait for it to come together, once the plan unfolds you will be amazed. You aren’t a gag throwaway character, much remains to come
thett3
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It’s ok. Not everyone has the capacity to appreciate high literature 
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--> @thett3
think what you mean is not everyone has the capacity to produce high literature to an even lesser degree than those who can appreciate it..
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--> @RationalMadman
oh i totally agree

example: most other ddo fanfics 

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--> @thett3
yeah, yeah fanfic bullshit. I live the real non-fic DDO life am I am the god damn most in-depth villain and semi-hero of the story.
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--> @RationalMadman
so you didn’t like your part?
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--> @blamonkey @SupaDudz
thoughts?
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--> @bsh1 @coal
Test
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--> @thett3
Don't be offended by Rational. He isn't a fan of people mocking him. It was funny lol
thett3
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--> @SupaDudz
im not mocking him! I intend to give him a fair portrayal. I’ll try to find a spot for you too, it’s almost finished tho 
Goldtop
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not everyone has the capacity to produce high literature
Rap is a perfect example of that statement, which contains some of worst abuse of the English language.

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--> @thett3
It was very fair but he doesn't realize that. He is just very stubborn.

Can't wait to read
thett3
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--> @Goldtop
yeah but when used in conjunction with high/noble literature (such as this piece) it can enhance it
blamonkey
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--> @thett3
What wit! What literary prowess! Surely, you are a Mark Twain in a sea of Stephanie Meyers.
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--> @thett3
Thank goodness for that Thett character's thick waterproof chest hair.

Polytheist-Witch
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Flagged for being a shit stir post.
thett3
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--> @Castin
yeah, I try to keep these things as true to life as possible 
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--> @Polytheist-Witch
rude