Hey everyone. I hate to do this but I feel I need to leave the site. Mharman you'll need to find a replacement for me, I'm sorry.
So, as of late, I've had so many medical issues, so much stress, and everything good that has happened seemed like it got negated due to it leading eventually to a terrible ending.
I suspect I'm developing schizophrenia from all this(in a prodromal stage right now) First, my grandmother had it. Second, I seem to have a lot of the symptoms. For a while I've been in complete denial about it. Intellect was the only thing I considered myself good in. I had constant ridicule ans bullying in my life that I started to considwe myself inept in everything and the one thing I considered myself good in was intellect/cognition. To consider that I have schizophrenia is the biggest blow to me I've had for a long time. I really still hope it's not It but I have to explore thw possibility since before I seem to have subconsciously omitted some symptoms to doctors in order to get a different diagnosis(that's how much I couldn't accept it).
Anyways, my life has become a constant daily battle with fighting with my mind on what is real and what is not. Its quite awful. I
I really can't spend time on this site anymore. I start a quarter at a university soon, and I need to devote all my energies ans focus on dealing with this problem so I can try to keep on a path to my life goals.
This site(more like some users) also kind of bother me enough to be close to a trigger of psychosis. Its not good for me, and I need to focus on other things.
I want to remind everyone that mental illness is more complicated than anyone peobablyncan can imagine. Telling someone with depression fir example to "get out of bed" and "you're not even trying to fight it" is overlooking a lot and is insensitive. Mental illness should be treated with care. It's not always the case someone will seem crazy if they have one. They may appear normal but actually have a serious problem.
With that... Here are some songs from Mike Shinoda(from Linkin Park) that encapsulate what I often have been feeling lately:
Really his whole album "Post-Traumatic" applies a lot, even the title.
Maybe I'll be back again as a different user or not at all. Hate to leave guys but I need to do all I can to fight my messed up mind. Its been fun while I was here. Bye all