Advice To Young Christians

Author: Salixes ,

Topic's posts

Read-only
Posts in total: 4
  • Salixes
    Salixes avatar
    Debates: 0
    Forum posts: 494
    1
    1
    4
    Salixes avatar
    Salixes
    Hey there dudes. Like, what's happeninnnnn?

    You learned eons ago that there is no such thing as the tooth fairy and Santa Claus is just a cute hoax even though you go along with it anyway so you can get all those gifts at Xmas time.

    But there is still one myth that you can't shake off. Yes, of course, it's all that religious crap that your olds get you to learn every Sunday when they send you along to the local brainwashing centre, uh, I mean Church. And we know why they do that, don't we? Yesssirree, they just want to have a bit of "quiet time alone together" on Sunday mornings.

    So, here's a bit of timely advice from someone who had to go through the same dreary routine every Sunday morning.

    Get kicked out of Church. Yep; I know, I know that it sounds a bit rad but follow these helpful tips and before you know it you'll be out on your ear from that scary, odd building with the funny pointed roof.

     * Step 1: Fart. That's right. After all, it's a perfectly natural bodily function and the resonance from that hard wooden pew will certainly make a lasting impression on the entire congregation.

     * Step 2: At convenient times throughout the Pastor's sermon, jump up onto your feet, punch the air and yell out at the top of your voice a loud and resounding "Ohhhh Yesssss". If that doesn't work, then go to the next last resort step that's bound to diss the collar off of any Holy Joe.

     * Step 3: Make sure you have your pocket full of marbles and wait for the Lord's Prayer. After "art in Heaven" (they have a lot of paintings up there you know) drop one marble onto that hard, hollow wooden floor which conveniently slopes towards the pulpit (you're sitting at the back, okay). Then, after a while, drop two, pause, then three.
    Just as the wishfully indulgent utterings get to the "forever and ever" bit, drop the whole bluddy lot onto the floor.

    Before you know, it will be "Amen" for sure so far as your immediately foreseeable tenure at "thy house of delusion" goes and you will be off to the skateboard park or playing Mortal Combat with your mates just like all the normal kids do on Sundays.


  • Alec
    Alec avatar
    Debates: 42
    Forum posts: 2,474
    5
    7
    11
    Alec avatar
    Alec
    --> @Salixes
    Why are you basically a militant atheist?
  • Salixes
    Salixes avatar
    Debates: 0
    Forum posts: 494
    1
    1
    4
    Salixes avatar
    Salixes
    --> @Alec
    Why are you basically a militant atheist?

    Come on.

    Why do you lack a sense of humour?

    And why don't you do something and post a satirical ditty about atheists ....

    ...instead of sneering from the sidelines?

    By the way......when you played sport at school, did they always have you sitting on the reserves bench?
    Just asking.
  • Mopac
    Mopac avatar
    Debates: 4
    Forum posts: 8,050
    3
    4
    7
    Mopac avatar
    Mopac
    Advice to young Christians....


    Learn from The Orthodox Church, not heretics, or God forbid fools who deny The Ultimate Reality is God.