Having Good Conversations "Flowing"

Author: SupaDudz ,

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  • SupaDudz
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    When a conversation is flowing and I can just talk and hear without dosing off, it is such a great feeling. Especially with people who are considered "more popular" than me, it feels good to have a natural flow, and that is one of my end goals for the school year. It is to develop these natural convos that flow nice

    The best one was on Friday. I was sitting with a more popular group of kids and they were talking about "hook ups." I did dabble in that subject area 3+ times. I try to be the kid that, everyone likes and can brighten your day. So when most peoples presumption was that I was "innocent" and when I told them about it, there was mass hysteria about it. It just flowed and we talked chicks and stuff.

    Now, I am a teenager, so being popular is my 2nd goal in life. But some people, especially elders, don't feel that way and hang out with their click. So when meeting a new friend, which was the best "flowing conversation" you had with them while you first was meeting
  • SupaDudz
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    bumpy

20 days later

  • Wylted
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    --> @SupaDudz
    You are probably working too hard at not being awkward, just be yourself and people will come around.
  • Mopac
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    --> @Wylted
    How bout dat weather?


    I suppose that conversation starter doesn't make much sense to people who live on the internet... but you'd be surprised at how that leads into more interesting conversation.



  • Wylted
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    --> @Mopac
    No, I just try to be sincere. I don't ask "how is the weather" or "so what do you do" or "Did you hear about the Cubs". I might notice a shirt that has a picture of Michael Jackson on it and talk about our mutual interest in him. Like I said, you can't build genuine relationships with phony shit, just be yourself
  • Wylted
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    I'm also good at being charming and making groups of people love me. I am reserved but when I want to be charming I am, which comes in handy. My social skills are quite good
  • Mopac
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    --> @Wylted
    I don't see how talking about someone's shirt is any less of an inanity than talking about the weather.

    Of course you should be sincere though. If you aren't good socially, weather is a good common launching point. In fact, I hardly ever bring up the weather, people usually do it to me.

    I have not always been very sociable. Putting myself in positions where people would naturally come to interact with me is how I developed in that regard. Before that, I pretty much just sat in bushes while thumbing through prayer beads or something. I was pretty content to be alone. I had to make a conscious effort to even care enouhh to interact with people. I pushed myself to do that because I realized it was the right thing to do.

    Me? I don't wear images on my shirts, and I tend to see that is something younger people do. It would personally not talk about the images or writings on someone's shirt, because I would not want give them the kind of attention that would keep them in that phase.

    If that sounds like really alien thinking to you, that's fine. I'm not being a hater. I'm just saying sincerity to me is not the same as sincerity for you or superdudz. Also, what is sincere at one point in your life may not be sincere at a later point.

    But yeah, I do agree with you that being sincere is the most important thing. 






  • Wylted
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    --> @Mopac
    I have not always been very sociable. Putting myself in positions where people would naturally come to interact with me is how I developed in that regard. Before that, I pretty much just sat in bushes while thumbing through prayer beads or something. I was pretty content to be alone. I had to make a conscious effort to even care enouhh to interact with people. I pushed myself to do that because I realized it was the right thing to do.
    Nothing wrong with that. I prefer to be alone. I don't know that communicating with others is the "right thing to do", I just know that it benefits me to be a social butterfly at times. I'm really good at social dynamics for whatever reasons, which is why no matter where I go I tend to build a loyal following or group that I can use. I wish the world was a true meritocracy, so that I didn't have to be politicking so much. I'd rather promote my best people to surround me, but instead I am forced to promote people who have a combined loyalty and competence. It's probably neccesary for me to be good at politics anyway since I occasionally destroy my life. Each time I do so I learn how to more quickly gain an acceptable level of money and influence, though the definition of acceptable keeps rising.

    If you have an education and a real skill, you probably can avoid having to worry about social dynamics at all.

  • Wylted
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    I may have picked up the skill from being in situations where I might be dead if I couldn't build a strong group to surround myself with, such as growing up in a predominantly black neighborhood and school or entering into group homes with rough kids. I'm not sure most people would be willing to experience those things to gain the same skills. Same technique everywhere, look for the oddballs who don't belong and recruit them all to be your loyal henchmen. avoid joining groups who have been entrenched too long, you don't want to be the bottom man even in that totem pole.
  • Wylted
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    Though friending people with influence in those groups is a good ideal, enough friends in competing entrenched groups, help you form a sort of illuminati presence.
  • ethang5
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    --> @Wylted
    ....such as growing up in a predominantly black neighborhood and school
    Now we know.
  • Vaarka
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    idk if I'd consider myself popular but sometimes when I see someone sitting alone at the dining hall I sit down with them and talk
  • RationalMadman
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    --> @SupaDudz
    Imma tell you straight everything here, in this thread, is BS.

    Don't be yourself if you want a flowing conversation to regularly happen, fit the other person instead and mesh yourself with them.

    On top of that, it's wrong to aim to flow conversations in the first place. You do not want them to flow, you want the other person to shut up and leave you alone so you either can study and get good grades or do whatever you do and want to pursue in life.

    I am blessed in only one particular way; I never bothered about (and consistently succeeded intellectually and spiritually in spite of not) being remotely popular in any place I went. Wylted tells you to befriend the popular/powerful but that's not really what you should aim for. There is no such thing as power in school, literally that guy you think is way cooler and sexier than you is literally just that; cooler and sexier. He's probably dumber than you, slower in all mental regards than you other than EQ and even there you can out-learn him by studying freely available 'how to read people' type psychology stuff online.

    People are there to be dominated and used, just make sure you do it with mercy and without inciting an urge for revenge in the wrong one at the wrong time. If you have no enemies, you're a nobody; truth or not? Don't worry about impressing the girls, don't worry about getting along with the guys. Worry about what you want in life and let people fit in as priorities around that. You want a good relation with a particular family member? Focus only on that and worry less about the other family members. You want a good friendship or to charm a chick? Is it realistic? If no, give up early, break your own heart fast and far nicer than later on. If it's realistic, let things flow naturally but honestly don't be fooled; no one is truly 'the one' this is complete BS. 
  • Outplayz
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    --> @SupaDudz
    That's good. In life being able to talk about anything and just flow will always get the attention of the room. That is what most of the lawyers taught me when i got my paralegal certificate. Just learn random stuff. Random topics that you know well enough to be able to talk about it. That is why i like sites like this and am mostly reading other peoples thoughts. Just to have random stuff i can talk about. People really like a person that can flow and more so keep everyone else flowing. It's great to have at school and work life. 

    Personally, in high school, i was the popular kid bc i could beat a lot of people up. But what really got everyone's attention is that i would never use this ability to fight to fight. I would break fights up or stop fights with just words. They named my Loki... and other silver tongue descriptions. To me, it felt so much more like a win if i could stop bad things from happening with my words. I felt if i used my fighting abilities, that even if i won... i lost. Flowing when your adrenaline is peaked i found for some reason to be easier than just random moments. I don't know why, it's kinda crazy. But when i have adrenaline i'm pretty good at flowing with the perfect whatever to defuse a situation.  
  • SupaDudz
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    --> @Outplayz
    i agree with you too because i don't like fighting people as well. it is not because i am too scared but it is because i don't feel violence is the answer.

    for my size, 6'2" and 235lbs, benching around 200-215 as a varsity linebacker and shot putter, you think i would beat someone up, but i dont

    i beat someone up for making fun of my sister and calling her pedoish names. let's just say i gave him the worse plastic surgery on his nose and jaw


  • Outplayz
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    --> @SupaDudz
    Nice we would have probably been friends bc i pretty much 90% would have challenged you to a body shots match. That's what gave me a name... no one my size could beat me. I was like 170 pounds but pretty fit since i was a drummer. Didn't really focus on working out... carrying around drums and playing 10 hours straight was enough workout for me. But anyways, i could only box people bigger than me. My friend is also your height and size. I can't tell you how many times we've boxed. I can tell you my win rate is low against a guy your size. But you'll be surprised how much punishment i can take before i give up lol. 

    In real fights... i've been against some big dudes and won. I only fought when the person was too stupid to understand words. There are some really low iq bullies you know. My sister said she use to get bullied in middle school. I wish i knew. But then she told me in high school once everyone found out i was her brother they stopped. So i'm happy it helped. She was really shy and wouldn't tell me. I told her she should have... it pisses me off that went under my radar. 

    But ultimately, being able to win fights with words is so much more fulfilling. But sometimes... some people just deserve a good beating. I would give you advice that if you see someone being bullied to use your size to back them up. That is also really fulfilling. I was hyper focused on helping people that got bullied. That's also one reason i never mainly hung out with the popular crew although they all knew me. I found hanging out with the hood rats... called DRK, dirty rat kids lol... was much more humbling. Plus, they were the musicians.   
  • SupaDudz
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    --> @Outplayz
    Agree 100% of what you said bro
  • Outplayz
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    --> @SupaDudz
    Do the popular kids in your school bully the less popular? 
  • RationalMadman
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    --> @Outplayz
    No. The ones who do that appear popular but are statistically not the actual popular ones. Alpha-types are known for the popularity and their ability to bully well, this is totally irrelevant to their moral compass and how they use their capacity to dominate others in overt manners.

    The most popular kids are the Deltas and Lambdas, always.
  • Outplayz
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    --> @RationalMadman
    No. The ones who do that appear popular but are statistically not the actual popular ones. Alpha-types are known for the popularity and their ability to bully well, this is totally irrelevant to their moral compass and how they use their capacity to dominate others in overt manners.

    The most popular kids are the Deltas and Lambdas, always.
    Yeah your actually right. There were a couple kids that would make fun of people outside to group but it was likely the deltas and lambdas that would make fun of them back. I remember personally putting some of them on the spot for making fun... like, what makes you better since i know you suck at x. Since i knew a lot about them, tearing them down was easy. Most of the popular kids in my grade were more warrior types. Football players, and other sports... but, always down for a fight to protect their friends. My grade had a lot of alphas. Our first assembly where the freshman are welcomed, the seniors started a chant "freshman suck." As soon as they were done, our entire class started chanting 'seniors suck' lol. That gives you a good idea what my class was like. The teachers said as long as they've been there they've never seen the freshman yell that back. I hated my class, but those are some aspects about my class i liked. I would say we had the most loyal and warrior type class, but we also had a very entitled class. A lot of kids were rich... and that was annoying. Are school even had a car show bc of it. Lined up with Ferrari's and rice racers.