Jokes

I would like to hear you learned fellows' best jokes. 

Also my buddy's recently acquired a bunch of racing geese. Let me know if you fancy a quick gander. 

Most of mine are wildly in inappropriate in the vein of

and 

but I've a few lighthearted ones too like

A man walks into a doctor and says "Doc, I think I'm going deaf!" The doctor says "ok describe the symptoms." The mans says "Well Homer is bald, Marge has blue hair."

What’s the difference between a run down bus stop, and a Lobster that’s had a boob job?

One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustation.

Contest for naming new gneric viagra. Couple of entries are;

mycoxafloppin { latin? }

IBpokin { brand name }

Actually funny. I wasn't expecting it ebuc, I'll be honest with you haha. 

A man in a bowtie walks into  the office of a well-known talent agent and says, "I've got the greatest act of all time!"

The talent agent says, "I'll give you one minute....OK, what do you do?"

"It's a bit of novelty act," says the bowtied man, "First my wife and I get naked and proceed to have sex, I then shit in her mouth and make her suck my dick, I then fuck her again and lick the remnants of shit and sperm off of her and spit it in her mouth. Then I cover her mouth with my hand and punch her in the stomach and watch the stuff fly out of her nose. I catch the spray of shit and jizz and blood with my mouth and swallow it whole. Then my daughter comes in and I fuck her in the ass while I suck my sons dick. While this is going on my wife starts banging my father and mother. I then fuck my mother and father while my wife fucks my kids. Then I blow my dads asshole and jerk him off. Then the dog comes in and I fuck it too. I then kill my mother with a gun and fuck the bullet hole. We all join in the blood orgy and piss on one another. We shit in the piss and blood and then puke in it. Then we dump it in a kiddy pool full of dead midgets and aborted babies. We then jump in the pool and bang the hell out of each other. I chop off my wife's boobs and she cuts off my dick, she sucks my stump and eats my balls. Then three midgets standing on each others heads come in and we kill them and add them to the pool. We slurp up everything in the pool and puke it on the audience. Then I smash my wife's head with a sledge hammer and cover the audience with her brains- Gallagher style. We take a bow and leave."

The talent agent says, "Hmmmm....now, what do you call this act?"

The bowtie man flaps his arms wide and says, "Wylted!"

You have a career in erotic fiction, sir. There was something of Bulgakov in the whimsicality of that. 

Wylted, Woland. I guess. 

It's a an old and stolen joke- check out the great documentary about the history of that joke called "The Aristocrats"

It was very familiar all right. 

You would miss Wylted, though, wouldn't you?

I feel like I'm carbon dating your posts every time now btw. 

A lawyer defends a man for running around in his underwear. It was a brief case.

All of the men here ---thats 99% of membership I guess---  should know that, most automotive parts houses now carries generic Viagra products in the fix-a-flat aisle.

A man walks into a bar looking miserable. The bartender looks over and asks the man, “why so down?”

The man replies, “I understand now why dogs are man’s best friend. They fuck your wife as soon as you leave the house.”

 

I love this one.

how are women different than terrorists? you can negotiate with terrorists

I'll be stealing this one, and it will get me in trouble someday. 

Ya know, I've had too many women throw wine bottles at me not to believe it's a notable phenomenon. 

A woman's Molotov cocktail.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...