Would you date someone with polar opposite beliefs to yours?

Author: Lunatic ,

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  • Lunatic
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    Just curious, when dating if people generally try to find similar thinking partners, or if they like someone to challenge the beliefs they have. Or somewhere in the middle? 


  • Analgesic.Spectre
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    --> @Lunatic
    That's an interesting question.

    I think masculine men enjoy the challenge of intellectually attacking a woman's worldview, whilst women like to be challenged, too. Although, I think in terms of long-term relationships, polar opposite beliefs are going to destroy the relationship.

    Not that I bother with dating anymore, but I did enjoy fiery, intellectual battles with smart women.

  • RationalMadman
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    We wouldn't fall in love to begin with. Answer is no because if you're with someone with such a different outlook on life you're either with them for money, reputation and/or to use and abuse them for other nefarious purposes; you can't possibly love them on any personal level.
  • triangle.128k
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    There exists such a polarization of modern politics that the left and right wing are divided by subculture. Therefore, no, in this day and age such can not occur and manifest as a long term relationship. 
  • XLAV
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    Me and my girlfriend for two years are almost total opposites and we're still going strong. 

    I'm an atheist, She's a catholic.
    I'm a slacker. She's studious.
    I'm a quiet guy. She's talkative.
    I like to party. She hates parties. 
    My parents spoiled me. Her parents disciplined her. 
    I like business. She hates business or dealing with money in general. 
    I like competitive games. She likes casual games.
    And the list goes on.

    Though there are few things that we have in similar like taste in music and we like to eat new things. 

    I had a chance to get a different girl who was more similar to me than my current girlfriend but I didn't push through it. I was interested at first but whenever we try, we just didn't click. I also kind of found her boring when I think about it tbh, lol. I guess the differences me and my girlfriend have made our relationship interesting and strong, and the few similarities are necessary so we can have something to bond over. 

    Maybe opposites do attract.



  • ethang5
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    --> @XLAV
    I'm an atheist, She's a catholic.

    Hardly opposites.

    I'm a slacker. She's studious.

    And yet she hates business?

    Hmmm. This girl may be changing herself because she's so into you.

  • XLAV
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    --> @ethang5
    Hardly opposites.

    How is believing in a god and not believing in a god not opposite? 


    And yet she hates business?

    Hmmm. This girl may be changing herself because she's so into you.
    Studious =/= business prowess

    If anything did change, she started playing games because of me. 
  • ethang5
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    You must be awesome! ; )
  • Polytheist-Witch
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    Depends on what the opposites are. I wouldn't date a racist, I also wouldn't date an atheist.  If they love tomatoes I could over look it. 
  • TheDredPriateRoberts
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    --> @XLAV
    2 years is not a long time and only time will tell if the relationship lasts.  When looking for a partner many people compromise or lower their expectations to increase the likely hood of meeting someone.  We talk ourselves in to accepting things which later on we realize we shouldn't have and that can end the relationship.  After a time one or both in the relationship will accuse the other of changing.  This is incorrect, they changed before they them met.  You are on your best behavior to impress and court the potential mate. Once they attain a certain comfort level they start acting like themselves, including those things that really bother them.  Prior, they ignored or suppressed their feelings about smoking let's say.  At some point this can cause enough strife to end the relationship.
  • sadolite
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    I married someone with polar opposite beliefs. We are still married but have huge arguments every so often. I would not recommend it if I had to do it all over again. For better or for worse till death do us part. I keep my word.
  • XLAV
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    --> @sadolite
    I'm curious to know which beliefs you guys differ from? 
  • XLAV
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    --> @TheDredPriateRoberts
    We're already in our comfortable stage in our relationship and everything is doing alright so far. Whats funny is our 'honeymoon period' (start of the relationship) was very rocky and we fought/argued every few weeks. Despite the setbacks, we still held on. As time went on we got to understand one another better and we haven't had a fight/argument for a long time. 

    It was weird. People always told me the start was supposed to be the best part of a relationship, lol. 
  • sadolite
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    If I say it black she will say it's white. My wife is pre programmed to contradict everything I say. Doesn't matter what we talk about.
  • TheDredPriateRoberts
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    --> @XLAV
    that's awesome.  Relationship and marriage is about commitment more so than love.
  • TheDredPriateRoberts
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    that's awesome.  Relationship and marriage is about commitment more so than love.
  • Polytheist-Witch
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    Relationship and marriage is about commitment more so than love.

    What? 
  • Vaarka
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    --> @Lunatic
    I'm usually a pretty neutral person, so that would mean my opposite would be someone who always has to bring their beliefs into things. I've met a lot of people like it.

    If that's the case, then probably not. I'm fairly neutral in most circumstances b/c I don't like when people try to either be all political or SJWish or religious over an issue that really doesn't need such talk. Sure, sometimes it's deserving and appropriate but if you're gonna switch to your argument mode over everything then please stop.

    Last night I was talking to someone and asked if they'd go see some of the campus basketball games, and they said "only women's". I asked why, and an answer I expected was "cause I'm a girl so I gotta support my girls!" or something cringey or normal. I instead got a really long answer about how supporting men's basketball was creating a culture of men being athletically superior to women. 
  • TheDredPriateRoberts
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    --> @Polytheist-Witch
    examine the history of marriage (a contract) and the divorce rate and purpose of arranged marriages, none of which are for love.  Generally marriage is about being committed to the marriage and not divorcing.  While some may get married out of love (even though there's little reason to) those who are committed to maintaining the marriage can still do so absent of love feelings.
    back in the ole days divorce was rare, especially compared to now, why?  because you just didn't get divorced, it was taboo, had nothing to do with love. 

  • Polytheist-Witch
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    --> @TheDredPriateRoberts
    Divorce was rare because it killed you monetarily and socially. In the US people don't do arraigned marriages anymore. Women are no longer property. 
  • TheDredPriateRoberts
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    --> @Polytheist-Witch
    sure that's all true, but that is the history and reason for marriage by in large.  just because modern society has changed it doesn't remove the original intent or meaning.  Many vows are a formal solemn commitment  There was also a time a man's word was his bond, promises were kept, people had honor and spoke the truth......Marriage is largely trivialized and bastardized to what it once was in meaning and purpose.  I believe the divorce rate reflects that.
  • Buddamoose
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    --> @XLAV
    "It was weird. People always told me the start was supposed to be the best part of a relationship, lol." 

    Because it usually is 😂. The "honeymoon phase", as its called is to describe how people often overlook many key things in the emotional rush of new romance. I would say because you two were so different that honeymoon was skipped and you were forced right into negotiation of differences and how those differences can be kept under control so as to not lead to an unclosable rift 🤔

  • Buddamoose
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    Women are no longer property.

    Honestly, ur being rather obtuse when it comes to arranged marriage. With an enlightened morality you look at it and go, "that's treating someone like property" when for most cases it wasnt. It was the best way to ensure a daughter had security and stability of well-being in adulthood. The world used to be a wholly brutal place, and it's was largely not safe for women to be alone, full stop. 

    Not to mention, lifespans were so short that if you didn't marry and have kids young, you would be dead long before they could care for themselves in all likelihood. 

    Your perspective to be frank, is wrapped up in your own priviledged position of being a woman in an enlightened nation in modern times. You would have us operate in the past, as we do now, when that type of practice would have been absolutely disastrous for women as a whole. 



  • Buddamoose
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    Basically, with the average person dying by 30, that means you need to have kids at 13-15 if ur gonna raise them to where they can have kids to pass on the torch. 

    A 13-15 cant be expected to make responsible and practical decisions in romance, ergo, arranged marriages. Cause if chances are ur dead by 30, that means by the time ur even 18, you already have less time than it takes to raise a kid. Which is the primary reason why, back in the olden days, if you hit 20-25 without kids or marriage, you were seen as a spinster doomed to die alone. Because average lifespan dictated that at that age, you were now too old for it to be seen as probable you lived to at least when that kid was out on their own 🤔


  • Buddamoose
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    But, to answer the question, yeah, I don't see why not? 🤔