Funny jokes

Author: whatthef ,

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  • whatthef
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    whatthef
    If you wanna hear some funny jokes then you in luck.

    If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.



    One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening.

    An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

    Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?

    To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
    In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
    Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
    From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
    To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
    In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
    Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
    From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
    A dull, dark dock, a life-long lock,
    A short, sharp shock, a big black block!
    To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison,
    And awaiting the sensation
    From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!


    By all means add to this...

  • whatthef
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    More Jokes...  ;)

    Whats the best Christmas Present? A broken drum - you can't beat it.

    What happens to elves when they behave naughty? Santa gives them the sack.

    Q: What's the difference between Princess Diana and Elton John?
    A: Princess Diana never became a queen of England

    Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!

    Q: Why do the English make better lovers than the Germans?
    A: Because English are the only one's who can stay on top for 45 minutes and still come second.

    Q: What does D.I.A.N.A stand for?
    A: Died In A Nasty Accident.

    "One morning, two Englishmen are strolling down a London street, when they see a stray dog licking its own testicles. One of the Englishmen turns to the other and says, "Say, I wish I could do that!" His mate watches the dog for a moment, sighs longingly, and replies, "I should say so! But don't you think you ought to get to know him first?"


    https://youtu.be/uINilnFCKQ8
    A short little video!  ;)

  • SupaDudz
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    What did the nut say when he was confused?
    I'm NUT sure

    Wasn't that just nutty
  • Mharman
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    --> @SupaDudz
    booo
  • Mharman
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    Mharman
    Where did Susie go during the bombing?



































    EVERYWHERE
  • whatthef
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    whatthef
    Pretty good.  
  • whatthef
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    whatthef
    B-DAY joke:

    Forget about the past, you can't change it.
    Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
    Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.

  • whatthef
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    whatthef
    Another one:


     What goes up and never comes down?

    Your age.

    :)



  • Mharman
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    --> @whatthef
     What goes up and never comes down?

    Susie's remains?
  • whatthef
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    whatthef
    STUDENT: Sir, can I ask a question?

    TEACHER: Yes!

    STUDENT: How do you put an elephant inside a fridge?

    TEACHER: I don't know.

    STUDENT: It's easy, you just open up the fridge and put it in. I have another question!

    TEACHER: ok ask.

    STUDENT: How do put a donkey inside a fridge?

    TEACHER: It's easy, you just open up the fridge and put it in.

    STUDENT: No sir, You just open up the fridge to take out the elephant be and put it in.

    TEACHER: Ooh...ok!!

    STUDENT: Let me ask another one. If all the animals went to the lion's birthday party, and one animal went missing which one would it be?

    TEACHER: The Lion of course! Because it would eat  all the animals.

    STUDENT: No sir, it is the donkey because it's still inside the fridge.

    TEACHER: Are you kidding me?

    STUDENT: No sir, 1 last question.

    TEACHER: Ok!

    STUDENT: If there's a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to cross, how would you?

    TEACHER: There's no way, I would need a boat to cross.

    STUDENT: No sir, you just swim and cross it because all the animals went to the lion’s birthday party*

  • sadolite
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    sadolite
    Most people have ladders, I have a step ladder, I never knew my real ladder
  • mustardness
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    mustardness
    Generic Viagra

    mycoxafloppin------latin

    IBpoken -------------greek

    mydixadroopin----german