Funny jokes

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If you wanna hear some funny jokes then you in luck.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.



One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening.

An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?

To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
A dull, dark dock, a life-long lock,
A short, sharp shock, a big black block!
To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison,
And awaiting the sensation
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!


By all means add to this...

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More Jokes...  ;)

Whats the best Christmas Present? A broken drum - you can't beat it.

What happens to elves when they behave naughty? Santa gives them the sack.

Q: What's the difference between Princess Diana and Elton John?
A: Princess Diana never became a queen of England

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!

Q: Why do the English make better lovers than the Germans?
A: Because English are the only one's who can stay on top for 45 minutes and still come second.

Q: What does D.I.A.N.A stand for?
A: Died In A Nasty Accident.

"One morning, two Englishmen are strolling down a London street, when they see a stray dog licking its own testicles. One of the Englishmen turns to the other and says, "Say, I wish I could do that!" His mate watches the dog for a moment, sighs longingly, and replies, "I should say so! But don't you think you ought to get to know him first?"


https://youtu.be/uINilnFCKQ8
A short little video!  ;)

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What did the nut say when he was confused?
I'm NUT sure

Wasn't that just nutty
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--> @SupaDudz
booo
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Where did Susie go during the bombing?



































EVERYWHERE
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Pretty good.  
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B-DAY joke:

Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.

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Another one:


 What goes up and never comes down?

Your age.

:)



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--> @whatthef
 What goes up and never comes down?

Susie's remains?
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STUDENT: Sir, can I ask a question?

TEACHER: Yes!

STUDENT: How do you put an elephant inside a fridge?

TEACHER: I don't know.

STUDENT: It's easy, you just open up the fridge and put it in. I have another question!

TEACHER: ok ask.

STUDENT: How do put a donkey inside a fridge?

TEACHER: It's easy, you just open up the fridge and put it in.

STUDENT: No sir, You just open up the fridge to take out the elephant be and put it in.

TEACHER: Ooh...ok!!

STUDENT: Let me ask another one. If all the animals went to the lion's birthday party, and one animal went missing which one would it be?

TEACHER: The Lion of course! Because it would eat  all the animals.

STUDENT: No sir, it is the donkey because it's still inside the fridge.

TEACHER: Are you kidding me?

STUDENT: No sir, 1 last question.

TEACHER: Ok!

STUDENT: If there's a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to cross, how would you?

TEACHER: There's no way, I would need a boat to cross.

STUDENT: No sir, you just swim and cross it because all the animals went to the lion’s birthday party*

11 days later

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Most people have ladders, I have a step ladder, I never knew my real ladder
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Generic Viagra

mycoxafloppin------latin

IBpoken -------------greek

mydixadroopin----german