Episode X: The Interrogation

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  • thett3
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    Please see the first thread here: https://www.debateart.com/forum/topics/610

    ----

    Few words were spoken between Bsh and Zaradi on the long flight back to Washington, DC. Bsh's only thoughts were on YYW, and the crushing guilt he felt about having left him behind. He wondered if YYW was even still alive...

    When they landed, they were immediately met by a cordon of Secret Service and CIA agents. 

    "Thank G-d" Bsh thought--finally, he could tell someone the whereabouts of YYW and the rest of the crew, and whatever survivors were left could be ransomed. 

    The closest CIA agent briskly approached Bsh, flashing a badge.

    "Bee Ess Ach One, you are hereby under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."

    "Wait...what?"

    And then, as Zaradi walked on, Bsh was taken away.

    -------------------

    Thett stood over YYW on the makeshift hospital bed. Amazingly, it looked like he was going to make a full recovery despite his many injuries. But for now, he slept. 

    Sighing, Thett turned away and headed towards his rendezvous with Mestari.  

    "It's obvious that we need to get off this island as soon as possible, and Zaradi took my only private jet. And before we knew who you were, we scuttled your ship. So Thett, I want you to take a party and look for supplies to fix your ship with. Let me introduce you..." 

    Thett was then introduced to two of Mestari's surviving allies. One, named blamonkey, was very intelligent looking but quite young. He would be useful, but Thett always preferred brawn to brains. The second was Tyrone. 

    "Now this...this, I can work with." Thett said, after taking one look at Tyrone. Tyrone was the biggest, blackest man Thett had ever seen. He was easily 6'5", and so heavily muscled that he looked like he could snap an olympic bodybuilder like a twig. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and Thett would later learn that he rarely wore shirts because they didn't make any that could contain him. The slightest unintentional flexing would tear even a finely woven shirt into multiple pieces.

    "This I can work with" Thett repeated, handing Tyrone a sword. Tyrone immediately dropped it. 

    "He's a pacifist" Mestari explained 

    Pulling a Bass Guitar from behind his back, Tyrone helpfully added "I believe in the power of music above all to change souls"

    With that, the trio set off to look for wood and rope to repair the ship.

    -------------------

    Bsh was led to an interrogation room that looked exactly like they did in the movies. The room was entirely empty save for a metal table, two chairs, and a very old fashioned lamp that gave the room some dim lighting. He sat here in silence until a man walked in. In the dim lighting his face was obscured. 

    "Bsh...I vould like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind."

    That slight accent...what was it? 

    "Who...who are you?"

    "I'm nobody. You can call me Mike."

    "Mike, we had a permit for everything we did. Everything. I doubled checked the law myself."

    It was true. Following the letter of the law exactly was extremely important to Bsh, and it was one of the things he had absolutely insisted on double checking before agreeing to be Thetts first mate. Technically, they were privateers, not pirates, and operated under an official United States charter, their rights to disrupt shipping lanes backed up by ancient maritime law. After running rampant in the Obama years, the Trump administration had challenged the right of Thett's crew to pirate vessels. The resulting Thett v. Trump lawsuit made it all the way to the Supreme Court, where Justice Brett Kavanaugh joined the liberals of the court in a 5-4 decision, authoring a pro-piracy opinion: "I liked grog. I still like grog."

    The controversy resulting from the lawsuit contributed the Trump's landslide defeat to the incumbent United States President, Kanye West. President West immediately cooled down the controversy by striking a deal where Thett and his crew would work as mercenaries for the United States.

    All this to say, their piracy was totally on the up and up. 

    "Things have changed. Read section C" Mike said 

    He then slid Bsh a section of regulatory code. 

    "All privateering vessels must undergo a mandatory federal inspection every year." 

    It had been a year and a half since Thett had the ship inspected. Bsh felt like someone had punched him in the face. Bsh always had the utmost respect for bureaucrats. He viewed a caste of educated professionals issuing rules as the closest thing possible to the Platonic ideal of rule by philosopher kings. He would never, EVER, violate a regulation this blatantly. Did Thett know about this?

    Shocking himself, he choked up.

    "I didn't know. I swear. I didn't know!" 

    "Calm down. We know. Just consider yourself lucky that President West signed his mens rea reform bill when he did. We don't think you knew, but we know for a fact that Thett did. We sent him a letter about the change." 

    How could Thett do this to him? 

    "Listen, I know you need rest, so I'll cut to the chase. We're hoping you will help us bring Thett to justice. You are going to be inducted into the witness protection program. As a token of good will, I've left something for you in your room." 

    Bsh was driven into a safe house twenty minutes outside Washington. Entering his room, he immediately saw the surprise. It was an entire library shelf. Contained in the shelf: the entire Code of Federal Regulations. 

    Bsh fell to his knees and wept with joy

  • thett3
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    --> @blamonkey
    u r officially a character
  • blamonkey
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    --> @thett3
    Thank you! 
  • thett3
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    thett3
    this is the platonic ideal of art, created solely to satisfy the creative spark of the artist. no one is reading this except for me, which makes it even cooler
  • Mharman
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    --> @thett3
    lol this is great
  • thett3
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    --> @Mharman
    thank you sir
  • spacetime
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    --> @thett3
    What glorious prose! What marvelous wit! What immense creative power! "Literary masterpiece" doesn't even begin to cover it. The great authors of history weep in envy from beyond the grave. Thou hath outdone thyself, O Thett the Mighty.



  • thett3
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    --> @spacetime
    thank you. i take great heart in the fact that at least a few people on this site are able to comprehend and appreciate high literature  
  • Greyparrot
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    Greyparrot
    Superb
  • blamonkey
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    --> @thett3
    I just read your entire series. This is golden. :-)
  • Wylted
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    Wylted
    Anybody reading this knows that bsh1 is (censored by castin) Thett. 
  • Castin
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    Pfft, fuck censorship.
  • thett3
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    --> @Greyparrot
    thank you, sir. I don’t think your part in the story is over just yet
  • thett3
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    --> @blamonkey
    this is exactly the kind of treatment i deserve. Thank you