Are relationships worth it?

Author: Vaarka ,

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  • Vaarka
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    I'm talking about romantic relationships 

    So a little under two months ago, I got to experience what an actual relationship was like. Met a girl who was super gorgeous, sweet, and checked most of the squares under my "I would like to date you" chart. It was something fairly new to me, since my past relationships had been those high school ones where you kinda like someone, go out on two dates, claim you're dating, and then break up before the third date because of drama. This was different, it was an actual relationship.

    For several weeks, I saw her almost every day. We would hang out, go for walks, get lunch/dinner, watch the occasional show (she got me into Stranger Things), and do other weird couple things. I was honestly really happy, despite some of the problems that were already arising. They weren't dealbreakers or anything, nor a problem that was actually a problem, at least not yet, so everything was fine. We were both really happy and whatnot.

    Of course, things eventually began to go downhill. The problems weren't super major, but a few things suddenly began to happen all at once, and after about five or six weeks together, we broke up. The details are personal, and what followed between us is personal, so I won't delve into it. All you need to know is that we broke up and it crushed me. It wasn't a situation where either of us wanted it to happen, but we both realized it was probably inevitable and decided to break it off before we further damaged our relationship. Yes, she was crushed too, but I won't share the details on her end, and I'll keep my own details brief.

    For a while, I was depressed. In some cases, I still am. Thankfully we both have winter break to move on, but the entire experience left me with several questions: Why did this have to happen/why is it happening? What could I have done differently that could have prevented this? Can we try again and get back together? Will this affect any future relationships I have? ... Essentially, why can't I change the past, and what is my future?

    In all, I reached conclusions for many things on my own, including the question in the topic name: Are relationships worth it? I'll focus on this now, instead of my other questions I had.

    I felt terrible, I was crushed, and I never wanted to feel that way, not now and not ever. For those of you who know me, you probably know I'm not used to being sad or depressed. This wasn't necessarily a new feeling, but it was an extremely unwelcome one. I didn't try to kick it out by abusing substances or offing myself, thankfully (I still have a brain). However, in my case, my appetite dropped so much that I would go an entire day on a single banana or something similar in portion. This went on for about five days, I began to lose weight and sleep because of it, and I eventually realized it was a problem and had to ask people to remind me to eat. It worked out and now I'm on a normal diet again. Regardless, those five days were hell, and it made me wonder if it was worth trying a relationship again, whether with this girl or a different girl. Of course, I also craved attention and affection, because I'd gotten used to having it. I now realize why a lot of people put themselves through hell in a relationship, and while I personally don't want to fall down that path, I do understand it.

    Despite what I went through, I've concluded that I still think relationships are worth it, so long as you don't rush into them. This was a problem I experienced with this relationship, which was rushing into things, even forcing myself to do stuff that I wasn't always ready for or prepared for, and it screwed things up. More importantly, when you do break up with someone, take some time away from relationships to collect yourself. Falling out of one relationship and rushing to get into another is not a good idea, both for your sake and the person you broke up with's sake. 

    Bottom line, the happiness I felt during my relationship made me realize that they are worth it, even if they don't always work out. In the end, you had an awesome time, you learned new things, and you were able to spend it with someone that, even after it was all said and done, was awesome when you were together with them. Seriously, I've got a lot more confidence in myself in several aspects of my life now that I've had this chance, even if I'm still kind of down in the dumps.

    Yes I'm aware that six weeks isn't that long but it was my first real relationship. Also this post is really broken, I just kinda typed what was in my head. I'd fix it but eh, you get the message. 



    tl;dr - I went through a break up. It sucked, but I still realized that the happiness I felt when in the relationship makes the relationship worth it. Both the relationship you just lost and any future relationships are always worth it, even if they don't always work out. 


  • coal
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    I am sorry to hear you went through a bad break up.  But, relationships are worth it.  Dating is like riding a bike.  You've got to fall down before you can ride. 
  • Vaarka
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    --> @coal
    I mean, in retrospect, the break up was honestly not as bad as I'm sure some are. Still, I appreciate the sentiment. Hoping I can move forward and let it pass soon. 
  • Swagnarok
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    Relationships are a f*** ton of work. When you stop making an effort towards it, it sputters out and dies off. It can be exhausting for that reason.
  • Vaarka
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    --> @Swagnarok
    I can see that. Watched it happen to people before, possibly could have happened to this relationship.

    I guess the goals of relationships is to pour yourself into it, try and make it work until you either realize you can't keep going, or you realize that putting all of that effort into it was worth it and you're willing to do it forever. 

  • keithprosser
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    --> @Vaarka
    The fewer relationships that work out the quicker the human population will fall to more sustainable levels.



  • SupaDudz
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    Sorry to hear that my fellow bird...

    Even as a high schooler I have been through that shit too. I dated a girl for 2 months freshman year. It was super chill and I did feel love. Things didn't work out. I'm glad that drugs and shit didn't get to you.

    For me, it was

    -Lots of phone use
    -JUULing
    -Eating literally only Cheeto Puffs and Pints of Ice Cream
    -Listening to X's album

    Sometimes you just need breaks from school and shit. My finals are after winter break which fucking sucks but once your done with yours, you will be all better and soon be back to normal. 

    In conclusion, relationships are worth it. I was the happiest I have been in my life because I could show love to someone. 
  • IlDiavolo
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    It is worth it. What it's not worthwhile is marriage, so try to steer clear of it.

    Enjoy your life, son.

    Il Diavolo

  • IlDiavolo
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    --> @keithprosser
    And the higher the gay relationships... :)
  • SupaDudz
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    --> @IlDiavolo
    Lol
  • Polytheist-Witch
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    Married by best friend 21 years ago. Totally worth it. 
  • Polytheist-Witch
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    --> @Swagnarok
    #1 answer.