I keep messing up.
I try to do things at the best of my ability but what I am left with is my failing. This might be me over-emphasizing problems or maybe are actual problems which I am not doing a good job overcoming. This is very general so I will apply it to a context not the same but close enough.
I go to work. I have taken 2 days off from 4 due to illness. My employer I think thinks I am lying and has reminded me this looks bad on me and how much they needed me as well. Of course I have an illness used the medication and still I have the illness. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday to vent my frustrations out at him but it does seem apparent that my doctor is a f*cking dick. For one I am sure the f*cking medication doesn't work because of a more important problem he hasn't addressed. I have brought it up before and pretty much told me to wait and I waited. Every single Summer the problem exacerbates because of the more important issues comes in the way of the medication. He knows this but still hasn't done anything. Guess how many Summers including this one I had to deal with this sh*t? 5-7. That is not even including how difficult it is for me to sleep and he knows because he made me aware of the problem. He knew I had difficulty sleeping and still he hasn't done anything about it. This is implied because it doesn't take 7 f*ckin years to book me in for an operation and find the necessary staff to make it happen yet here I am the problem is still not fixed and other problem just pile due to the foundational problem.
I think this also impacted me mentally given the time frame 12-19 or 13-19 or 14-19. Time frame matters because this is almost the full window of puberty. I don't know how much of an impact this problem had given the transition period I was in because I was a teenager relying on my doctor to know what was good for me. Mentally in another way due to my sleep. It takes me at least 2 hours to sleep. I start at 12 and eventually go to sleep at 2. This would mean if I start school at 8 would mean I had only 6 hours of sleep before school. Playing video games can also be the problem but if I was able to sleep at 12 then I would have had 2 hours extra to sleep per day. Since I don't think I need to tell people how important sleep is I'll leave it at that.