I need help

Author: Pinkfreud08 ,

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  • Pinkfreud08
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    Aright hello everyone. 

    I don't know how to word this properly so I'll just jump straight into it. 

    I'm in an abusive relationship with my boyfriend. 

    To dive into headfirst I'll list off abusive things he's done to me over the year our relationship has lasted. 

    - Had punched me several times 

    - Kicked me in the balls 

    - Been hyper passive-aggressive with me on boy scout campouts and around mine/his friends 

    - At summer camp he kicked a bucket of water outside our tent ( in case of a forest fire ) for no reason 

    - Than when I told my dad who was the scoutmaster that he did so, he shunned me for an entire week at summer camp because he was " innocent " 

    Even though he was the ONLY person outside of our tent at the time, was angry at me for the whole day just because I was spending time with another friend for a few hours, and was near our tent whispering me and my tent mates names 2 seconds before the water was kicked onto our tent. 

    - Has talked shit about me for the entirety of summer camp to the younger scouts 

    - Numerous instances of him flipping me off and cursing me out for no reason 

    - Damaging several of my possessions on purpose 

    - And grabbed me and slammed me onto the ground 

    - Has sweared out a merit badge counselor at summer camp 

    - Has threatened his little sister ( in front of me ) 

    - Has sworn out his mom, dad, older sister ( whom by the way was giving him rides home from school ), and his younger sister 

    - Was 20 minutes late when we were supposed to pick him up for summer camp, and than later on when my dad was discussing it with him tried to justify it. ( my dad called him out which was satisfying to watch ) 

    I'm sorry if this seems very arbitrary or unorganized but I just needed to get this out there because I just need support right now 

    Because I don't have many friends aside from a few close ones and I want to keep my sexuality a secret there are very few people I can talk to. 

    I've talked to a few close friends about this, my parents, and my sister and they all clearly stated that I need to dump him. 

    I've tried my damned hardest to be a good boyfriend to him. 

    Me and my dad has given him rides to boy scout meetings, helped with his rank advancement, and payed for several of his meals on campouts or hikes. 

    I've bought him numerous gifts 

    6th month to the 10th month of our relationship I was very distant towards him. To the point where we have a 6th month period with no dates. 

    So I tried my damned hardest to spend time with him at school and go on dates with him. 

    He than called me clingy and that I was smothering him. 

    Nothing made him happy, if I didn't spend enough time with him I was distant and if I did I was clingy. 

    One time I was at his house playing smash brothers for 5 hours since people were looking at our house ( it was for sale ) 

    He was angry because I wasn't spending time with him enough. 

    When firstly before I got on I asked what he wanted to do like if he wanted to watch a movie or play a game together and he would just reply that he didn't know. And secondly, I invited him 5 times if he wanted to play with me. 

    Essentially He wanted me to just be miserable for 5 hours simply because he didn't like to smash brothers. 

    He is quite simply poor at communication. 

    If he had just asked if I could get off and do something with him and named a specific activity I would've done it. Even then I still asked him several times what he wanted to do and he wouldn't give me a straight answer. 

    And then one fucking time this little gem fucking happened. 

    So like I stated earlier, he was HYPER passive aggressive with me for an entire camping week IN FRONT OF ADULTS AND OTHER SCOUTS. 

    For example at one point during Uno, everyone was ganging up on me ( because I had the best card deck ) and he made fun of the fact I lost the entire night. 

    Or another time on the trip when I was getting excited while playing smash brothers ( two kids on the trip brought their Nintendo switches and I'd charge them up in the mess hall during the day ) and he'd then say things like " oh what a nerd " or " no wonder you don't have many friends at school and this is why I don't want you to hang around my friends " 

    Then when we get back I sent him a message over text that I loved him and all but I needed him to stop being hyper passive-aggressive with me. And that it was annoying and rude. 

    Well, he was angry with me the entire week and unfollowed me on Instagram. 

    Essentially because he completely took EVERYTHING out of context and fucking ignored EVERYTHING I laid out to him and ONLY took out the part where I called the behavior rude and annoying. 

    It was right then and there, I realized he was never going to change. 

    Overall I've recognized that my boyfriend is a piece of shit and I need to cut ties with him. So I've decided to break up with him sometime next week over the phone. 

    You may say that I should do it in person however firstly, given how he's an abuser he quite frankly doesn't deserve it and secondly given his track record he'd probably punch me in the face if I broke up with him in person. 

    Sorry, I ranted for too long, I just wanted to get this out there for anyone else who's in a relationship similar to this and also because I just need some support right now. 

    All I want is to be happy. 

    - Pinkfreud08 

    P.S If I'm not online for over a month because I died, my boyfriend probably killed me. 




  • Pinkfreud08
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    So one more thing I feel I need to add that is pretty important as this was the exact moment I knew for a fact I was in the right and my boyfriend was in the wrong and I need to break up with him. 

    So I have a friend who we're just going to call K as I'm pretty sure she'd want to be anonymous. 

    So K is the nicest person you'll ever meet. 

    To the point where she's one of those girls who'd let a homeless person into their house, give him food and shelter, and get to know them for a week or two. 

    That nice. 

    Well, she's friends with me and Jordan, in fact she's the first person to find out about our relationship. 

    Even before either or our parents or close friends. 

    Well she witnessed one argument Jordan had with me in which he made fun of me to her and another one of his friends and called me clingy and than took K and his friend away. Leaving me alone at lunch. 

    Suffice it to say, I was rather depressed at lunch and was wondering what I did wrong as I'm the type of person to blame myself before I blame anyone. Even if it really had nothing to do with me. 

    However later that night, she texted me that she felt my BF shouldn't talk to me that way and he's toxic. 

    This may sound very cliche, however, that's the moment I knew I was in the right and my boyfriend was in the wrong. 

    It was as if justice was on my side. 

    I'm not religious or anything ( in fact I'm a huge athiest)  however I am a bit spiritual when it comes to nature as I do meditation weekly. 

    But I felt as if there was some virtuous force on my side. 

    That was the exact moment I knew, I needed to get out before it was too late. 

    Looking back, it was probably the greatest moment of my life, I've never been that happy before. 

  • zedvictor4
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    --> @Pinkfreud08
    But, was the sex good?

    Isn't a certain level of brusqueness and physicality only to be expected from the dominant partner?

    isn't that the big turn on for the submissive?
  • TheAtheist
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    --> @Pinkfreud08
    What happened to you is really terrible, and I'm very sorry that your boyfriend did those abusive things to you. You made the right choice by deciding to break up with him. You should never stay in an abusive relationship, it will only make things worse and worse. Good luck with that phone call and I hope you find a better boyfriend.

  • TheRealNihilist
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    --> @Pinkfreud08
    You can beat him up. I don't know like call some people get some bats and start whacking him or don't.

    Do the phone call and end it because he is a prick.

    Whatever you pick just don't even bother being around him.

    Since your dad didn't help you. Tell your mom. 

    Have the people who he had impacted join up and go to your father and tell him to do something. 


    An abusive person is abusive because of a cause. This can be their family were like this and they are relieving the stress of that. Doesn't mean you deserve the punishment it just means it is justified like with all things. If you possibly can find out why the person is like the way he is then I think you can remove the problem but given you haven't been a prick back I wouldn't call you a bad person to simply walk away and not help the person.

  • TheRealNihilist
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    --> @bsh1 @David @oromagi @Ragnar @Ramshutu
    Thoughts? 
  • TheRealNihilist
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    --> @blamonkey
    ^    
  • Ragnar
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    --> @Pinkfreud08
    You'd be justified in ghosting him. However do what you will. And K sounds like a fantastic friend!
  • bsh1
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    --> @Pinkfreud08
    Dump him. Do it in person, but do it in a public place and have a friend with you. 
  • Imabench
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    Nah dont do it in person, too many unforseen scenarios could play out due to the unstable nature of him. Doing it via a text is way better because 

    1 - You can keep it nice and succinct that you believe he can go fuck himself from now on 
    2 - You can block his number immediately after sending the text as well as all other forms of communication you have with him (bully types not being able to have the last word, or any word for that matter, is as close to delivering an ass whipping as you can get) 
    3 - You can run your text by a friend so that they can point out anything that might be wrong with it, whereas in person you could make a mistake 
    4 - Theres nothing better in the world than telling someone off, tossing your phone behind you onto the couch or whatever, and watching Netflix for 3 hours not caring how much hes complaining right now 

    He put you through this much shit, why take the high road out of it? Burn some bridges, have some fun, give him a taste of his own medicine in the way that only you can do it. 
  • oromagi
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    --> @Pinkfreud08
    Hi Pink.  Sorry to read about this abusive relationship.  My first thought is that the some of the things you listed were real abuse- a lot of the things you listed were just teenage boyfriend bullshit but all of it was mixed up together which makes me think you aren't 100% on what's abusive and what is not.

    I would advise you to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at  1-800-799-7233.  You will probably have to wait a bit or perhaps they will give you some other number to call.  If you're nervous, just read them what you wrote out here.   At the end of that call, they will probably offer you some services and they might ask you to make some hard choices about your protection.  Definitely, they will help you to think about your safety and this relationship in a more objective way.  Don't worry about if you're being fair to anybody, don't worry about maybe after school starts, etc.  Just call and let them help you think  about this out loud a little bit first.

  • Pinkfreud08
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    --> @oromagi
    Don't get me wrong some of this stuff isn't abusive worthy. 

    IE him cursing me out or him trying to justify his obviously unjustifiable actions. 

    I merely included them in there to showcase that he'll always find a way to play the victim card, regardless of how wrong or nonsensical it's. 

    And also to highlight how immature and bad of a person he is. 


  • Pinkfreud08
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    Update: 

    I dumped him over the phone precisely at 4:26 

    This is a summary of how the call went and why I decided to break up over the phone and not in person nor over text. 

    1. Knowing his history, he'd probably get physical with me and possibly try to kill me. 

    And talking to my parents, they didn't feel comfortable with that and thought it'd be best if I did it over the phone. 

    2. Quite frankly he doesn't deserve it. 

    I mean honestly why should I do it in person when he has no regards for my happiness whatsoever. 

    These are just the two major reasons why I decided to do it over the phone as opposed to any of the other options you all proposed. Thanks by the way for the suggestions, I did defiantly think about them for a while. 

    Anyways here's a summary of how it went. Also sorry if it appears I get a bit overdramatic. I spend most of my time indoors so I tend to view everything as one giant movie or story. 

    4:26 pacific standard time 

    - I was on my computer after putting it off for a while so I decided to do it right then and there 

    - I called him and he picked up after 5 seconds

    - I say hi and ask where he is at and if it's a good time to talk. ( this is unrelated but one time I was pissed off about some french revolution thing and called him while he was in the middle of a therapy session, I have no idea why he didn't just tell me it was a bad time or just not answer it but whatever sorry for going off-topic ) 

    - I pause for a good 10 seconds mustering up the courage to finally say it and I state that as of now our relationship is over. 

    - He replies with a rather sarcastic " good " 

    - I tell him I will, however, tell him why I must do this and I start listing off the reasons. 

    - During of which he was trying to interrupt me ( I have no idea what he was trying to say but my guess is that he was just stating he didn't want to talk to me or something ) 

    These are the reasons I give him, 

    - Had punched me several times 

    - Kicked me in the balls 

    - Been hyper passive-aggressive with me on boy scout campouts and around mine/his friends 


    I was about to continue and then he just stated he didn't want to talk about it and hung up. 

    Taking Imabench's advice I proceeded to block him on everything. 

    For anyone who's seen the Shawshank redemption, here's what I felt like after he hung up. 


    Then my parents took me out for dinner and they told me how proud they were that I stuck up for myself and that they're glad he's gone. ( Originally when we first got together and before nobody knew what a jackass he was, my dad warned me that the relationship isn't going to end well ) 

    Anyways I'm tapped out now and I apologize that I got a bit dramatic in the story however after hearing your guy's advice I realized how good of a community this website truly is that despite the vast amount of arguing on the site, political differences, and the nature of this site being debating, I was truly happy that the community came together to help someone in their time of need. 

    I'd like to thank you all for the support and advice. 

    As for me the weekend is over and I return to school, I'll post an update either Monday or Tuesday confirming that I'm still, in fact, alive and well and that he didn't kill me. 

    Also yes when I was reading off the stuff he did during the call I was using the list I compiled on this forum, I was originally going to compile a better list but as I was typing I thought to myself that he's lucky I'm not just calling him just to break up and hanging up immediately after given the stuff hes done. 





  • oromagi
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    --> @Pinkfreud08
    I'm sure that was difficult, so good on you for being brave.  I am supposing that you are well rid of him. 

  • TheRealNihilist
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    --> @Pinkfreud08
    Great job.