Disclaimer: This is purely for entertainment. It is not intended to parody any specific person, nor is it intended to be an accurate representation of the environmental movement. I am entirely aware that no one actually thinks like this (I hope, anyway). This is completely satirical. I do not believe any of this, nor does any of this reflect my viewpoints in any way.
There is still a chance to save the environment if all our predictions are right from hereon out. We can't give up now!
Vikings vs. 49ers
Horrors! Warmongering white men (we're against warmongering since a Republican is in office) against capitalist white men! I ca- I- I can- I CAN'T EVEN! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At least the Vikings don't abuse the environment like the 49ers did by mining.
Vikings: 13. 49ers: 6.
Titans vs. Ravens
I can't believe I have to say this. Of course the animal wins against mythical gods. What do you think we are? Brainwashed, hyper-religious Pharisees? Of course not! This game clearly goes to the great black birds, who must be protected and cannot be criticized. For Gaia!
Titans: 0. Raves: 56.
Texans vs Chiefs
Slave owners against a symbol that they culturally appropriated. White people are just so racist when they culturally appropriate Native Americans. Even slavery isn't as bad as that.
Texans: 10. Chiefs: 20.
Seahawks vs. Packers
Beautiful birds against meat packers. Do I need to remind you what meat is? No, I don't. You all know. There is no contest here. The environment wins every. Single. Time. Easy win.
Seahawks: 41. Packers: 14.