Insults Workshop

Author: Barney

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Barney
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Welcome to Insults 201!

"Gentlemen, we can rebuild [them]. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first bionic [insult]. [Yo Momma] will be that [insult]."
-Richard Anderson


Purpose:
Too often insults are self-evidently worse for the smooth-brained geniuses who speak them, than it is for the targets of such epic sonnets as "you gay," " ūü§£ūü§£ūü§£," "[leotard]," etc.

We stand at an unprecedented time in history. We can tell Yo Momma jokes instantly across infinite distances. Used right, we can pool our cognitive resources to devise one so good it kills the victim; the very threat of this will enable world domination!

So please share insults aimed at you, and as a community we can deconstruct and reassemble them into superior dialog.
We can also generate comebacks for said improved insults, so on and so forth.


Prerequisites:
  1. Appreciate Blackadder
  2. Don't be a type two troll (type one is fine... don't get me started on type three)
  3. Have thick skin


Disclaimer:
This thread is intended to uplift discourse, not reduce it to pure delinquence.

While the word insult is used, it is perhaps used wrongly.
As the Yo Momma reference at the start of the thread should have ever so subtilty hinted, insult is being used as an umbrella term for ease of reference.
Anyone engaged in this thread should not seek to harm fellow site members, even while engaging in jocular exchanges. It's like trolling, in that the goal ought to be to entertain rather than to hurt.

Even with the above in mind, some heat is inevitable.
By participating in this thread, you are (solely within this thread) agreeing to be targeted by a degree of (hopefully light-hearted) trash-talk.
You are also agreeing to heavy-handed moderation, to include deleting or editing your posts (any edits will come with a disclaimer explaining them) for any reason.

Finally, much like how the Catholic church has never contradicted itself, this thread does not contradict anything in Etiquette Expectations.
Barney
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WyIted
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I will share one aimed at me in a gay bar once.

You are gay. You came into a gay bar and have been flirting with several men. I saw you drinking beer paid for by these other men you have been flirting with all night, so stop denying that you are some sort of faggot and fuck me right here right now
insult is from some bisexual friend who thought I would loosen up if he took me to a gay bar and then he started getting pissed because my night was paid for by a bunch of faggots and he had to buy his own alcohol.
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i responded by asking him why he was being so gay, but it doesn't feel like a good comeback in retrospect

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Also this thread reminds me of this excellent short film https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiKCi5TLI9o
Barney
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@WyIted
Also this thread reminds me of this excellent short film https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiKCi5TLI9o
That's a very good one. It also suggests the diss so good/bad it kills, will not actually be a Yo Momma joke. It'd have to be original, thus more akin to the Gay Fish joke.

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You are gay. You came into a gay bar and have been flirting with several men. I saw you drinking beer paid for by these other men you have been flirting with all night, so stop denying that you are some sort of f____t and fuck me right here right now
Where to even start on how fucked up that douche was being.
  1. You were intoxicated, so could not give consent.
  2. Not that I bought you dinner so you must put out for me is anything but horrible, but it sounds like he didn't buy said drinks; so he's an even worse kind of parasite effectively saying HE bought you dinner so you must put out for me.
  3. This also resembles a problem faced by most adults at one time or another in their life from friends. If ever attracted to something in category X, and I am somewhere in category X, why aren't you attracted to me?! The answer (well, part of it) is that we are not purely sexual beings who will put out for anyone with two legs (if that's our sole preference) at the drop of a hat; further, we have more than one preference, and even if everything might be fine up on paper, the lightening isn't there.
  4. Honestly, that mentality is in addition to being obviously communist (various dystopian novels have tackled this), is pre-school level sharing forced upon kids by people so poorly educated they don't know germ theory (which is to say they're even less educated than the children in their care). Did you bring enough gum for everyone? If not we're going to pass it around! Like if he wants to suck you off on the basis that you ever might let someone else... Did he bring enough blowjobs for the whole bar? People are not community property.


i responded by asking him why he was being so gay, but it doesn't feel like a good comeback in retrospect
It's not, and for the circumstances a great comeback would be sub-optimal. Were he your friend, I'd give some gentle reminders about the friend zone. Since it sounds like this was some predator trying to rape you in the men's room while you were too drunk to give consent, and no cops were nearby...

I'm sure others will have better, but here's my answer to that:
  • If I wanted to fuck bitches, I wouldn't be at a gay bar.¬†I'm here to get my fuck on with men, with REAL men, not cuckold¬†bitches.¬†
A more mild one would also be good (less raised tempers), such as:
  • Someone else buying me a drink, doesn't make me their property, and certainly not yours.¬†

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@Barney
I like this one

If I wanted to fuck bitches, I wouldn't be at a gay bar. I'm here to get my fuck on with men, with REAL men, not cuckold bitches
Next time a gay guy trys to rape me I will use it, assuming I am in a gay bar when he tries to rape me. Liberals have ruined gay bars with their bullshit and unironically made it gay to go to them so I may never return.
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@Sidewalker
Always a great skit. Of course seeing it made me have to watch the full one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evPZ-0UhL1E
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@Barney
I agree it made me curious about the full one but I don't admit it's close to good. I think that type of humour attracts a very different person to me. I find it too in your face dumb and overly done humour where you're not laughing but cringing and wanting to turn the volume way down as they scream too much.

It does evoke like 3 laughs but you can't watch it to the end without way more cringing and annoyance at the screaming and over the top bullcrap.
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@Barney
Yeah, the best part was the argument clinic, it's up there with Ministry of Silly Walks as two of the best ever.