TOP 10. Signs you've joined the wrong religion .

Number 10 

' please say.  ▪▪▪▪▪  number 10  ▪▪▪▪▪.  properly . 

Lets hear it. 

No no. 

Its Nummberr tenn

Number 10.

more like. 

Number 10

Thats it. 

Perfect. 

Well.... thats all i got so far. 

Ive 100 in my head , but i don't know about a top ten.

Id love to hear yours. 

They get up to freaky shit in church id say. 

▪▪▪▪▪▪     I'll set the scene  ▪▪▪▪▪▪

Shhhh , quiet on the set please. 

Ok so 

You've just arrived at church, you step into the building. 

Your eyes dart back and forth.

you pick in pew .

And Goneeeeeeeeeeeeee.

'take's  note on watch,  It lasted a good 3 seconds this week.  

You start the singing in your head 

Just Picking in a pew.  picking a pew 

who you.

Yeah , Picking a poo. 

Picking a poo

 

Now its ,  pick a pew.    

Pick a pew.  

You speed this bitch  up,   pick a pew ,pick a pew .pick a pew 

The trains borrowing down the track ,

faster and faster pick a pew pick a pew pick a pew.   

The horn blasts  PPPPEEEEEEWWWWWWWW .

pick a pew pick a pew pick a pew. 

You look around expecting everyone else to be doing their funny thought thing they do on pews as you do. 

Yep, looks they are.  

You take your seat . 

A massive stained glass jesus thingy infront of you , you glimps at it 

You then realize  , 

im sitting in pew .   what smells. Its the pew. 

Quite whispers .  (  i suspect the old ladies are relayeying their pew jokes to one another ) 

I start changing song lyrics to accommodate the word pew. 

Again you realize your almost saying it like ( poo  ) 

I change it back.  pew pew.

Which i think sounds better  ( thats debatable ) 

What im trying to get across here is . 

Its a normal church service,  

A moment of clarity 

You  say to yourself ,  fuck I am immature. 

And in the same breath  Your thinking, 

Han solo and chewy with their guns . 

A pew pew pew. 

No pew pew , 

A pew pew pew you to .

No but seriously and in concerns for my safty . 

if someone did come in here with a gun. The best bet would probably  be to hide behind them big long chairs  that they have in the churches. 

Anyway .

Shhhhhh , its about to start.

Shhhh

 

 In walks ______________________________________

○○○○○○○    And Action  ○○○○○○

Look I'M  Not doing a Top 10 signs your in the wrong religious group. 

the fact of the matter is . 

Your not . 

So.   

•¤°•¤°•¤°•¤°      Nice picking champ.     •¤°¤°•¤°¤°¤

' puts hand in the air for HI 5 ' 

You've chosen wisely.,  

Wth a plethora of religions into religious groups,

IT SAFE TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN THE CORRECT ONE.

Right

You are. 

wait up a sec.

Carry the 2 , wich leaves 4971969365193475. 

And ya times that by 4 . 

I did. Im not dumb

Yeah , 

No your right.

You are in the correct group. 

So stop with alllllll the second judging.  

   

Picture hiding behind one of them long chairs and a bullet flys straight past ya head missing you by a inch . 

Butttt you still chuckel as the bullet sounded like it went . 

pew.

And then you go pheww

Only my group is the true correct group, and I cant even prove it!

Still, I prefer people who are blindly obedient and dont ask for proof every time I make some absurd claim, but they just believe in my religion blindly and without question.

In need of a religious orrentation day if you will. 

Picture the little show tent booth things 

And they'd all be fighting each other 

And it will give of a medieval vibe. 

At night theres a flute player and and 

They sit thefe and eat grapez

And bammmm i got it.

A religious orrentation week with LARPERS  playing the parts.

Every night they fight with each other.

Hey lets say weve 1.8 billion Muslim. 

Andddd

1.8 billion Christian.

NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Will they like um .

Ummmmm,  like .

"Like " each other 

But back to oreantation  is it. 

Yeah

When you go in a booth to your religion you have to watch a video on the groups that dont lile you now.

They need to be riminder about there murderous past . 

Ha 

Imagine hearing about the christians murderous past at a perfect age to stop one from being one. 

The are Joining the group thats responsible for , then n hand over a piece of paper list 

The list read

WARNING 

you are about to Join a group thats responsible for 19827t331627827526385y482715164ii44772 

Murders .

Dont let em get u

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN i give to you the Christians 

THE GROUP YOU ARE ABOUT TO JOIN IS RESPONSIBLE  FOR UPWARDS.  

( thats upwards )  Of 18275948e73848958588y979795844762647e6e84738r8378884 and you  

Cases of CHILD  .( thats child , a kid  ) 

Of CHILD MOLESTATION. 

In summary. 

They f @/(    k ¥=×.

Last case was then the date of one day ago.

Id like to end it nicely  

Butttttt they end up joining anyway .

Make ( The  group you are a member of stats ) to hand out.

There would be some impressive numbers 

Youd be like is that 1 millon 

Then you have to count how many numbers are in it to know the number

3 with 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,8  zeros sooooo.

Then it dawns .

Fucking bammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

And yes BK .

They larpers rape each other , they are fucken pros man , they take that shit seriosly. 

 

The  jew s set up tents a week earlier. 

Then the christians popup

2 day after that.

The muslims.  

A Satanism tent . Yes.  

Ya cant hear anything,  its just real loud deth metal. 

The Exit is out of the atheist tent.

If you can find it. 

Ha 

Ha 

Ha.

A agnostic tent right along the fence line . 

Personally, I dont like religions responsible for countless rapes and murders. Its just a personal opinion, but I prefer a bit more peaceful religions, with at least a little bit less violent history. Now, I am not saying Christians and muslims are bad, but some of them, if not most of them, are very uncomfortable to be around when you know what those two groups did throughout history. I dont like being raped, so I dont like Christians and muslims.

Dont you put out 

The group you are about to join have feed 

128e8457472818182888t858584828991193858t894929484.  Children. 

Has donated 

17272737374475854847r65788r8757884838871888847782818

To children in war tor.n  bloody whatever. 

I wont have it.

If ya dont wanna be raped BK ..

Religious orrentation week is not for you. 

No matter what religious tent you walk into , chances arrre ya gonna get raped .

Butgttttgttt. 

If you get a orange arm band at the entrance.  

ALSO IN THE ATHEISTS TENT.    if ya can find it. 

Orange wrist band means you dont wanna get raped today .

Thus BK .

Saving youself  a couple of bucks.

It cost like  $53 extra if you want the rape package 

I think i want to LARP.

Anyway . Ill meet you at the satanic tent . 

Its the only tent under the ground.  

 

Oh fuck, isnt there a single religion where rape doesnt happen? I think we are supposed to pick a religion with lowest rape rates, so we feel at least a little bit safer. I dont recommend we pick Christianity tho, as they do tend to get a little carried away when trying to cure kids from homosexuality.

Religious orrentation week starts off professionally. 

but by night 3 , its . 

Well .

The first rule of oreantation day doesn't allow me to . 

Thats the jews

They boss the others around 

The jew tentssss.  The only group with multiple tents

I am always in favor of some satanism.

Ok you've a small tent area.  

Your selling satanism to the people .

How do you sell it.

Picture  a wood sign with goat slurtering times on it. 

Blood shots. 

Picture the dionysus pub.

I mean tent.

Its a tent pub .

The sun tent is gay .

The scientology tent doesn't have a exit. 

But boy are they welcoming. 

 The JW tent got burned day on the first night.

The seventh day adventists were already  camping there in there tents 

Religions ban people from having gay sex, so I say "gay sex is good here", and all gays will turn to satanism. Then if there are some atheists passing by, I tell them "there are no actually really real Gods here, so you guys can join too". Then if I see some women, I tell them how satanism promotes sexual liberation. And if some pervert men come, I say that satanism doesnt really condemn sexual perversions and rules about sex arent really strict, so they join too. If I see some obese people, I tell them that having extra weight is considered beneficial in satanism, as opposed to starving yourself like those religious people do. At the same time, I would talk bad about all other religious tents. I would even make things up. I would even go to muslim religious tent and tell them that Christian tent was talking bad of them, so the two tents would fight. So I would sell Satanism to everyone except really religious folks, they cant be converted.

Reads first two lines of post.

Wo, wo  wo.

' HANDBRAKE ' 

Up a gutter. 

' runs away' 

'Peaks over a hedge to read post ' 

It got better.

Starting shit between the tents nice. 

Thats why we've got the muslims set up out the back  in the long jump pits facing maccas

Every hour The pursians run through the middle of the site. 

In a state of stupier BK has cutten his orange arm band . 

And is Totally unaware,  he walks through the christians camp site as he did before. 

The christians see this time his bandless.

The christians  fall into place and begin to surround the young chap.

 Will BK get out 

Stay tunned for next week show.

Will it be.  

Bk' great escape  from the evil christian rapests.  

Orrrrr. 

BK gets BeeJayed 

To far? 

Ok ill stop . 

But ummm yeah . 

Religious orrentation week.

What a blast. 

I come home circumcised.  

. 

You only need one. If you've joined any religion, you've joined the wrong religion. 

interesting hypothesis

i'd evaluate them based on a personalized cost/benefit analysis

Sure, like war or human trafficing. 

Thats funnh Brute 

You  evaluate em on personal cost. 

I often wonder what comes first . 

Beliving in a god

Orrrrrrrr.

Joining a group. 

  It is odd how they have anything to with each other. 

I'd  start believe in god and just leave it at that .

A weak non-make a book god . 

You and your belife in god go walking around town, taking him in to all the different religious buildings. 

You keep thinking you are doing somethig wrong because it feels ummmm, well it feels silly . 

Anyway,  You end up getting the required dialogue for your god that you just started beliving in.  ( well you think you ) 

You go on to the LAG.    Thats the     

(☆☆☆ Link A God ☆☆☆ ) website

You fill in the the required paperwork. 

Then Press ▪▪▪▪▪▪  ENTER.▪▪▪▪▪▪

 

Butfftgttt Nothing happens. 

Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

you've  spent all fucking day trying to set up ya god .

And nothing. 

A day passes ,   

you dicide to go back on the ( LAG  ) website 

And As soon as you open the main page you realize,

You didnt press the

( finish setting up your god button)   from the day before. 

Fuckkkkkkkk you say . 

Fukkkkkkk . 

So  you press the link,  and It instantly connects  up. 

CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY  LINKED YOUR GOD.

So yeah , your then 

( god to go. ) 

You press the log off button. 

And up pops . 

Would you like to make a donation to some fucking foundation. 

Click  NO. 

You are now a theist.

Well Im guessing thats  how it works. 

But ya cant just have one god soooooo

You end up collecting the whole set of GREAT GODS for around $ 117.80

Wich is a pretty good price may i add. 

And ummmm yeah 

' kicks dirt ' 

 

both of those are very high risk, low reward

Picking a religion gets you your book of dialogue.   

Then you need to pick your Religious group. 

Because like the christians have like over 10 different denoms

Thats denominations . 

I reapeat the christians have over 10 diffrent types. 

Hang on a sec. 

A quick google ..... How many denominations of christians are there?

Yep I was right. 

Over 10 diffrent types. 

So its a 1 in 10 shot .

Imagin if there was like 100 but. 

You practically just guessing.  

Can you imagine if there was over 1000 different types .

Im just being  silly now, there aint no way of knowing the right one. 

I wanna now write . 

Imagine if there was over ( puts pinky in corner of mouth ) 

10,000 diff types of Christians. 

Just kidding . 

10,000  well then you couldn't pick just one. 

Now just for shits and giggles.  

Im thinking of a number between.

1 and oh i dunno lets say  30,000. 

Start rattling off numbers and ill stop you when i see .

You can have 500 guesses.  

 Between (  1  and  30,000. ) 

Good luck . Your life depends on it. 

Can i say that  ?

Well your after life definitely depends on it. 

 

Your afterlife is like the life ya live when you die.

After your dead. 

You know what i mean.  

Guess away. 

 

To make things quicker 

Instead of saying (  NO ) after every wrong number you pic . 

Ill simply say 

☆☆☆☆  ○□○□○□   GO TO HELL   ○□○□○□○  ☆☆☆☆ 

 

Ok ok.

You pick a number and ill tell you what group you just joined. 

For example 

19,379. Greek orthodox. 

4,962.  Seventh dayer 

666.   Catholics. 

You were looking for 

Group number 27,811 

Orrrrr 

I would of excepted  19, 417 

Thats only 5 scripture meanings diffrent.  

You didn't want to pick 3,864.

Or 40. 

And if you said 8,419 . WOW .

9200 was a good one. 

417 not so good . 

8 yes 

14 just 

5 you'll need to shave your head.  

21,968 isnt even a group anymore. 

But  933 is ok . 

Anyway. 

Your Lucky the christians have only 10 denomination.  

So Your in with a fighting chance. 

Utleast your not pick8ng a hindu god . 

You get em alllllllllllllll

Thats over.( PINKY IN MOUTH )  TWO DOZEN . 

THATS 12 PLUS 12. 

 

There's only one sign really. 

You end up in Hell. And sadly, it's not a sign, it's a result.