Advice on coping, well for example, there's this handout I had at work once,
Shedding Negative Thought Patterns
In order to combat distorted thinking patterns, you must learn to leave your negative thoughts behind. Mark Twain once quipped "Life does not consist mainly - or even largely of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that are forever blowing through one's head." True, but the trick is not to stop the ongoing storm of thoughts, but rather to change the nature from destructive to positive and life enhancing ones. When that happens, you've made a giant step toward living a better life based on your positive self esteem and the personal confidence to deal effectively with life's problems.
Humans think lot, 'most the time. We have situations that trigger a response based on our beliefs/thoughts/interpretations of the situation. And actions/consequences for how we act/behave.
As you commit yourself to eliminating these negative ways of thinking, you must understand two factors. First, these unhelpful thinking patterns are much more likely to emerge when you are fatigued or highly stressed, or when there is a significant problem facing you. These situations weaken your ability to cope and contribute to distorted thinking. Ironically, these bad thinking habits emerge when there"s a problem, and that"s exactly when effective coping responses are needed most. When things are going reasonably well, they may not be apparent at all.
If coping skills are for crisis and difficult times in life, a lot of times, people won't have very good practice with them, as they might only use them when a crisis comes about. Meaning that it can be important to practice and have an ability to use them in times 'before a crisis occurs, so you can use them well.= when the time comes.
Other times it's simply harder to preform in a crisis, 'because it's a stressful situation. Easier to juggle practicing by oneself than on stage. But people can get used to preforming under pressure with practice.
If a skill doesn't work for an individual, it's possible it's just not the right fit. But it's also possible that it's like riding a bicycle for the first time. It takes practice before one can do it well, but once mastered it can make a task easier.
Also, many people do not experience these thought disorders with all problems. These habits instead tend to emerge when a problem touches on an area of personal vulnerability or emotional sensitivity. By noticing exactly when distorted patterns emerge, you can pinpoint unresolved personal conflicts, thereby enhancing your personal awareness. These emotional "soft spots" clearly call for strengthened coping skills.
Not everyone has the same problems or difficulties in life.
How do you get rid of these self-defeating ways of thinking? It can be done, but will require self-awareness, patience, practice and support.
Here are some helpful hints:
(1) Verbalize your thoughts when a problem occurs.
To build awareness of distorted thinking, think out loud when you have a problem. You may even need to record yourself and play it back. If you have a trusted friend you could run your thoughts past them to see how they sound when said aloud to another person. You may be very surprised at how negative and self-defeating your thoughts actually are. Remember that these thoughts reinforce negative perceptions of you and reality
Sometimes people get so used to a certain way of thinking, that they might not even notice they do it, or think about how it's making them feel.
But if a person thought to themself a hundred times in a day, "I'm a bad person, I can't do anything right."
How do you think they're going to feel?
Compared to a person who thought to themself a hundred times in a day, "I'm a good person, I did this well today."
It 'is important for beliefs about oneself to have truth in them, else even if they're positive affirmations we won't believe them.
But it's hard for a person or life to consist 'only of the bad.
Or for many people 'mainly of the bad.
And like that whole Native American wolf story I talked about earlier, the one we feed only grows stronger. If we aren't doing as well as we'd like, I don't think it makes us stronger or more likely to succeed by blinding ourselves to the positive parts of ourselves.
I think it makes us stronger to affirm what is good and strong within us. To build it up that is grows ever stronger.
(2) Do not project thoughts onto other people.
It"s easy to attribute unfairly negative thoughts to loved ones or close friends. To eliminate distorted thinking, first take full responsibility for your thoughts. Then open yourself to give other people a chance to care about you.
It's easy to lash out when we're under stress. Easy to think badly of others and their intentions.
Sometimes it's true. Family and friends 'can be toxic and do poorly by us. Don't ignore such if true.
But 'because it's easier to 'perceive such, rather than it to be true.
It can be important to be 'aware of it. To not jump to rash conclusions are statements.
Important to consider other possibilities, then act.
(3) Work on one habit at a time.
Most people are prone to several different negative thought patterns. To tackle them all at once is usually self-defeating. Instead, identify one distorted thinking habit and work on that one alone until it is eliminated. Then move onto another one until you overcome all of them.
I think this is true of much of life.
It can be difficult to multitask and solve multiple problems at once.
And if none of them get fixed, a situation can be as difficult or greater than before.
While if one weight is removed, the rest is easier to bear.
And becomes easier and easier to bear as one problem at a time is removed.
(4) Act as if you are completely competent and in control (Fake it until you make it!)
In the beginning, force yourself to do this in lieu of negative thinking in order to give new ways of relating to a problem a chance. You will feel better because problems don't seem so overwhelming, and you are coping more effectively. "What you say to yourself, you become."
If you're in trouble, or don't know how to accomplish a task DON'T Act as if you are completely competent and in control. Might make the situation worse.
There 'are moments in life one has to simply struggle through as they learn, the task becoming easier each time they complete it or fail. Knowledge gained either way.
And many times we can only learn how to ride a bicycle by failing a few times.
But it's better to try/learn something with other peoples help.
Safer and more practical.
The first time I ever tried leading a group at my job, I pretty much said, I don't know what to say.
I didn't know what the procedures were, what my superiors expected me to teach.
But eventually as I learned my job, and went ahead trying even when I felt uncomfortable.
I 'became comfortable, able to talk easy and do my job.
Even though I didn't quite know what I was doing until I had done it some number of times.
(5) Use thought-stopping as a technique.
When you find yourself slipping into distorted thinking, internally shout to yourself, "STOP!"
STOP -> THINK "> Then TALK/ACT
For some people, negative trains of thought can be difficult to derail or turn away to constructive thought. So they try being more active of their thoughts and 'forcibly turning them to positive directions or activities.
Until the negative thought process is no longer a habit for them.
