Interesting way to look at it, an online death.
I'd disagree that you can't control how you're remembered.
As in our personal lives, we have a 'measure of control, I'd argue, though circumstance in winds can blow, overcoming our intents.
I think it's nice when our internal compasses match outward moral compasses, but. . .
"Is one who simply sides with tenacious opinions a gentleman? Or is he merely putting on a dignified appearance?" - Mencius
I 'do think there is value in appearances, more than I'd like really, but that's the nature of reality, what with humans being social interacting animals,
What with humans having to each individually and by groups perceive others.
Setting an example for community or family, 'requires that they realize my actions.
"Virtue is its own reward." -Cicero
Is a fine saying, especially for the individual, be he by himself or in a group.
But appearances 'can have an effect on others.
Unfortunate about your childhood, though it sounds selfless of you, speaks of love for your siblings.
Unfortunate your wife lied, that you lied, and her family was deceived to see you as the bad guy.
"I don't value anyone's opinion who is not privy to is what actually happened." - Wylted
And yet you give an account of what happened 'to others?
I'd agree that times can come, where it's better to just cut losses, say to others think what you want, I've expended enough time defending myself.
Still, different people find value, differently.
'Does sound good to do good, even if one isn't perceived as good.
Though I see others knowing 'truth, as a type of good as well, thus 'offering what one sees as truth of a situation, seems good to me.