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Thett felt his initial awe of Kanye momentarily fade. For someone who claimed to have thought a lot about politics, the hole in his plan was so obvious that even a five year old could see it:
"You can't possibly expect that to last forever. Politics changes on a dime."
"It doesn't have to last forever. It simply has to last long enough. I have done what President Trump failed to do. I have laid the groundwork for Americans to put aside their differences long enough for my successor to lead the United States to its destiny.
"And what destiny is that?"
"A nationalist, populist, neo Austria-Hungary, where diversity truly is our strength. The various ethnic groups live in harmony as the countryside is de facto divided into homogenous villages, while the multicultural cities provide a true marketplace of ideas. We need a radical devolution of federal power to as local a level as possible to disincentive group conflict. We need a return to agrarianism for the masses and the reindustrialization of the rust belt to keep us competitive in critical industries. The dismantling of the big tech monopolies. An H1bae immigration policy that welcomes the Bollywood actress and the Brazilian Supermodel but rejects the skinny nerd. Just think about it, Thett! Village after village of muscular farmers and buxom milkmaids. Dense and futuristic cities that look like Toyko, populated by beauties of unknown ethnic extractions."
A solitary tear flowed down Thett's cheek as Kanye continued.
"But first, we need to put our difference aside long enough to come up with a sane mechanism to govern a multiethnic society. Because this current culture war ain't it, chief. We need a collective Russian other to hate before we can complete the system of American Idealism. E pluribus unum."
"That sounds truly amazing Mr. President...but how do you plan to accomplish it? You'll be hated as much as the Russians when the infiltration is revealed."
"So I will" Kanye replied. "But I accomplish amazing things through being vilified. Remember when I said George W. Bush didn't care about black people? The media attacked me for it, but his successor was a black man. Or how about Taylor Swift? I invented her when I snatched away her VMA award. However in this case it will not matter. I've set the process in motion, and one domino after another will fall until it's inevitable. It is my destiny to be vilified...just as it was your destiny to die in the shelling of Mestari's Island. And yet fate spared you--earn it."
"You win by being hated, therefore your worst enemies only help you with their attacks...4D chess."
"Liberals playin' checkers, I'm playin' chess. Thett, I tell you all of this because it's possible I will have need of you in the future. For your friends I will simply perform a small rap show. But for you, take this so that I can contact you if I wish."
Kanye handed Thett a plain white business card:
Kanye West
President, United States
1600 Pennslyvania Avenue
"How does your business card help you contact me?"
"Don't ask stupid questions."
And with that, Thett stood up and left.
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The only thing that went through Thett's head was that part in "O Holy Night" where an angelic chorus sings "Fall on your knees"
Thett fell to his knees. Everything about the man before him screamed absolute POWER. He was wearing opulent robes, which went well with the golden throne he sat in. Upon his head was a red "Make America Lit Again" hat, and around his neck was a Dragon Energy amulet.
It was the President of the United States. The Commander in Chief of the greatest fighting force the world had ever seen. The man who at this very moment held the same office as George Washington himself.
"Kanye West" Thett breathed.
"Thett3." Kayne replied evenly.
Remembering Robert Mueller's instructions, Thett blurted out "Mr. President, there's something you need to know! The government has been infiltrated by--"
"The Russians."
"Y-yes...and they've started to--"
"Take over the intelligence community"
"Yes, from the very beginning Vice President Emilrose--"
"Has been a Russian intelligence asset. Thett, there is not a thing that goes on in this administration of which I am not aware."
This exchange initiated a conversation between the two. Recounted independently in both of their autobiographies decades later, and witnessed by 16kadams who had snuck back into the chamber and was currently eavesdropping, this conversation came to be considered among the greatest discussions in Western philosophy since the Socratic Dialogues.
"Mr. President, why would you allow such a thing? Democracy might be a failed god, but that doesn't make rule by a foreign autocracy any better."
"Tell me Thett, what is the fundamental problem of politics?"
"It's--" Before Thett could attempt to answer, Kanye cut him off.
"That was a rhetorical question. To answer the question first involves an understanding of the human condition. In the context of politics, the problem that has never been solved stems from the deep human need to hate "the other." The high and immediate stakes of politics causes individuals to view groups within their own polity as "the other" and to despise and oppress them accordingly. This kind of arrangement is incredibly toxic for modern democracies."
Thett, despite his general awe of Kanye, could not prevent himself from laughing.
"Surely you aren't a true believer in democracy? Give me a break. Everyone knows that power can use overwhelming control of the media to manufacture consent whenever it needs to justify itself through popular mandate."
"And what's the alternative? A king? To quote myself: "No one man should have all that POWER." We crossed that Rubicon in 1776 and there is no going back. No, this requires more complex thinking."
"So what's your master plan?"
"I thought that would be obvious. When the extent of the Russian infiltration becomes known to all, I will have given America the perfect "other" that all can hate together with a righteous fury. An other who we can never destroy because of their nuclear deterrence, but who is so dwarfed by our conventional military and our economy that they will never be an actual threat. It's perfect. Through our mutual hatred of the Russians, our hatreds for each other will be put on the back burner."
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The motley crew said little during the drive to Camp David. Thett planned to let Mueller do most of the talking to convince President West that the Russian infiltration of his administration was a very serious problem, so he tried to mostly enjoy the ride and reflect on his life's journey. While Thett mused, Mueller desperately attempted to get the green dye out of his hair so that he would look more professional and less "punk rock", but it was to no avail. Thett let out a great pirate laugh at the sight, something he had been doing less and less lately.
All too soon, the motorcade pulled into Camp David and Thett went along with YYW, Tyrone, Rational, and Mueller as they were escorted into the retreats lobby, where secret service agents were watching them like hawks. After a few minutes, a bookshelf on the wall suddenly moved forward--it was not a bookshelf at all, but rather a secret door leading to the chambers within. From this bookcase passage emerged a man even bigger and blacker than Tyrone--he radiated an ancient, metaphysical power, and at his presence the secret service agents immediately snapped into attention. Although he was wearing no uniform, Thett instinctively knew that this man was the captain of the Secret Service. The captain said nothing as he passed the agents, and slowly walked passed Tyrone, Rational, and Mueller before stopping. He pointed his finger at Thett and then motioned for him to step forward.
"Who, me?" Thett blurted out.
The man gave no response save for a withering look that said more than any words ever could. A rough translation of the look would be something along the lines of "Yes you, you idiot. Why else would I have pointed at you? Quit wasting my extremely valuable time."
Thett stood.
"Thett, if you meet President West make sure to emphasize--" Muellers last minute instructions came to a sputtering halt as the captain held up a hand.
Taking a deep breath, Thett followed the man through the secret bookcase.
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Through Camp David the pair went, before stopping before a great oak door at least twenty feet high. Despite his massive height, the captain could barely reach the door knocker, which was a fine brass craving of Kim Kardashian. The door creaked slowly open on its own accord and, as soon as it was open enough for him to step through, Thett was gently nudged through the door, which slammed behind him. The room he found himself in was quite tastefully decorated. Almost every inch was covered in something extremely cool. In one corner, Thett spotted a series of medieval tapestries. Another was dedicated to early 20th century boxing memorabilia. A nearby nightstand had the entire collected works of Collin Leslie Dean stacked on it. The place reminded Thett a lot of his castle. Turning around, he saw a large poster above the giant door:
"It is necessary to write a play, the novel, the poetry and the song ... about the theory of Numbers have an end.-Mohamed Ababou-"
The center of the room was covered by a purple shawl, that seemed to lead into another, smaller room. That was when Thett noticed someone else in the room.
"No...it can't be..."
And yet it was. Standing there, deep in conversation, was...16kadams!
16kadams was the former mysterious advisor of President Trump, and widely considered one of the greatest propagandists of all time. It was said that he had read every single social and political study ever released, and still rejected big brained centrism. What business could he possibly have with President Kanye West?
Thett just stood there watching from the other side of the room for a full five minutes. Finally, 16kadams bowed and exited the room, giving Thett a knowing smirk as he passed by.
"COME CLOSER" said a booming voice. Thett approached the purple shawl and went inside. That was when he saw....him.
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@Alec
I was a strong supporter of the death penalty for many years, but I’ve come to be pretty neutral on the topic (or slightly against it)
My knee jerk reaction is very much for it, and in principal I support it. I think the death penalty properly applied can be a good thing. The idea of a swift and ultimate justice deters crime as well as affirming the societies opposition to the crime. Moreover the death penalty, applied properly, can bring dignity and redemption to the condemned and closure to the victims loved ones far more than imprisonment ever could.
Okay. So how is the death penalty in this country ACTUALLY applied? Well, if you commit a heinous enough murder and don’t plead out, the state will be lucky if they execute you less than twenty years after the sentence has been handed down. All the while, they’re spending so much money navigating the byzantine legal system that it actually costs more to execute you than it does to lock you up for life. And when you’re executed, it almost certainly doesn’t deter anyone because the crime would’ve happened so long ago that it was long forgotten. This entire process completely destroys the utility of the death penalty. Then factor in the fact that you might actually have the wrong guy, and it becomes a very open question on if this is all worth it
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@Wylted
could I borrow Victoria for the night?
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wait are we voting for three categories or three winners for each category?
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Ok first things first, lose the Simpsons avvie
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@RationalMadman
no offense but I think you constantly get into spats with people because you have a really weird sense of editique. You mentioned your religion publicly so I didn’t even consider that you would think it rude to ask about it publicly in the same conversation
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@RationalMadman
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@RationalMadman
really? Why? Were you raised in that faith or was it something that came to you?
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@RationalMadman
in a religion debate between two good debaters the loser will almost always be whoever has the burden of proof. There aren’t any solid arguments for God’s existence that would hold up in a debate setting that I find super compelling. Obviously there are no good arguments against God’s existence either
I believe strongly in a higher power but people come to religion because of their experience and intuition more than some argument about the beginning of the universe requiring a prime mover
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@Vader
I skimmed over the thread, you would’ve been better off just posting this when he began to sperg out about the church: https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/024/596/shrekfeddd.jpg
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@Vader
trust me, what happens with President West will be mind blowing and will not disappoint. prepare yourself bodily for when I get around to it
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@Vader
Next episode should be SupaDudz getting angered at RM for spitting bars with the president so he decides to challenged RM where Supa exposes him for being a fraud and faking being a tranny to win
1. Transwomen are women. Period.
2. Perhaps the history between RM and SupaDudz could be a one shot story of its own, but right now RM is on the top of the world and soon we will meet one of the greatest rap legends of all time, Kanye
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@Castin
That just sounds like a realistic writing choice.
i try to keep things as realistic as possible (example: see my portrayal/description of myself)
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look at how much attention this thread got. and my abortion thread. i am singlehandedly keeping DART alive
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@Castin
kewl, you got beaten by RM in a rap battle just fyi
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@Polytheist-Witch
why do you think this should be disallowed?
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@RationalMadman
Science and art work in tandem, as the fuel for powerful minds. when the historians of the future study this work they will understand it as both a work of fiction and also perhaps the greatest meta political narrative this world has ever seen
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@RationalMadman
ok but you are portrayed as a cool but eccentric guy who lyrically owns everyone he tangles with
this entire thing is a long running satire of contemporary politics using a fantasy setting as a backdrop and members of ddo as the characters. sir, your objections will NOT hold back art!
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@ResurgetExFavilla
thank you. this is exactly what i was going for
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@RationalMadman
i literally gave you a positive portrayal, but don't worry your role in the story is pretty much over
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@DebateArt.com
@Castin
@David
@bsh1
can one of yall make a definitive statement on if this is permitted, i think what im doing brings a lot of entertainment to the community so i just want some confirmation
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@RationalMadman
it wouldn’t be as funny if you didn’t go against castin
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@spacetime
this is my relationship with RM, but like Drumpf and Kim Jung Un, it'll work out in the end https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/929511061954297857?lang=en
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And so the fiendishly clever plan began. The way the tournament worked is that there would first be an American Idolesque freestyle try-out. The top 128 male and 128 female rappers would then be randomly matched into 1 vs. 1 rap battles. The winner of these brackets would then face off against the reigning rap battle champions the next day in a Pay-Per-View event.
RationalMadman had expressed doubts that he could defeat the reigning male champion, SupaDudz. However, he expressed complete confidence in his ability to destroy the female champion, Castin:
"How she got so high is a mystery
Besides, her and I have history"
Since the tournament was only a week away, the process of legally changing RationalMadman's gender to female would've been an impossible task had Mueller not been able to pull some strings. Mere hours before the deadline, RationalMadman was formally a woman and registered for the tournament as such.
RationalMadman wowed the American Idol judges and easily qualified as one of the top 128. She selected Thett, Tyrone, YYW, and Robert Mueller as her entourage. Their job was to stare down the opponents entourage and to react appropriately when Rational dropped a sick diss. Mueller had styled his hair into a mohawk and dyed it green in order to look more "punk rock" and no one was able to dissuade him from this.
*Snap*
"Yep, this ones going in my boomer compilation" Thett said with a laugh as he took Mueller's picture. All in all, the crew had a grand time training for the tournament, and before they knew it the day had arrived.
Although Thett was instructed to maintain his composure, he could not prevent his jaw from dropping every time Rational shredded her opponent. He had never seen such a wordsmith before, the crowd was unanimous each time. Often her opponents simply walked off the stage without even trying to diss her back.
But the next day was the real challenge. The male championship took place first. Thett had never seen either of the champions rap before, and so he was dismayed when he heard upon arrival that SupaDudz had easily demolished his opponent.
To hype up the event up, a promotional video was played for each rapper. Castin's was simply a compilation of her greatest lines. Rational's was a lot more interesting, and explained the history between the two of them that made this personal. Apparently Castin was a moderator who had banned her from her favorite website, Debate.org.
This was the moment. Each rapper was allowed to choose their beat and their outfit. There would be five rounds of 30 seconds each, allowing for a lot of back and forth. Rational lost the coin toss and so she had to go first.
The two rappers approached each other. Castin was wearing her traditional Lisa Simpson cosplay. Rational was wearing a black wig, a pink tutu, a pink hairband, and pink gloves that came up to her elbows. Before Thett could mentally prepare himself, the beat from ILOVEFRiDAY by Wiz Khalifa began playing and Rational began her first round, dancing beautifully as she rapped.
"Ban or miss
I guess they never miss, huh?
You got a mentor, I bet he don't PM ya!
He gon' find another site and he won't miss ya!
He gon' quit then hit the dab like Airmaxifa!"
The crowd went wild. It was a first round knockout, Castin did not even attempt to give a rebuttal.
It was over. Rational had won.
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Thett slapped Rational on the back. YYW and Mueller were jumping up and down like little girls. Tyrone picked Rational up and put her on his shoulders. The entire team celebrated--she had done it! They were going to meet the President and avert a constitutional crisis!
The celebration was short lived, however as they were approached by a Secret Service agent.
"Congratulations. Now all of you come with me. We are going to meet the President."
"What, now?" YYW asked incredulously. "We haven't had any time to prepare!"
"Prepare what?"
"Uhh...I just mean that we didn't plan for this or anyth--"
"I assure you that the President's schedule is much tighter than yours." The Secret Service Agent said curtly. "Come with me, or don't. Up to you"
Even though they had not prepared their approach, they were on their way. They were going to meet President Kanye West.
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Bsh was reading a fascinating piece of regulatory code about the cut of pickles allowed to be served on burgers when the knock came. Checking his watch. he was surprised to see that it was nearly 1 AM.
"Who could possibly be calling at this hour?"
He looked through the peephole and saw, to his shock, YYW.
"YY! It's you! You're alive!" Bsh exclaimed happily as he quickly swung open the door.
YYW said nothing, merely moved into the entryway and closed the door. Turning around, he locked the deadbolt.
"How did you survive? Th-they told me you were dead!"
"They told me you've been talking to the FBI. The Russian infiltrated FBI."
"Oh YY it's horrible...it turns out that Thett was knowingly violating a whole host of regulations and he has to be brought to justice. I thought that his negligence got you killed. And you don't actually believe this fake news Russia conspiracy, do you? Republicans are just mad that President West won in a landslide. Oh G-d I thought you were dead!"
"And yet I'm not dead."
"You're not dead!"
"I'm not...but you are."
Before Bsh could even process that statement, YYW was swinging at him with a baseball bat. Only long practice as a pirate allowed Bsh to dodge the blow, and quickly grab a metal pipe he had lying around for narrative convenience to parry YYW's next swing. Bsh's instincts kicked in and soon enough the two were engaged in a vicious brawl that quickly spilled out of the entry way and into the living room. His heart rate rose and with it, his anger. Soon enough even though he still wasn't sure what they were fighting about he was earnestly attempting to kill YYW.
The two exchanged blow after blow before YYW knocked the metal pipe out of Bsh's hands. Thinking quickly, Bsh cartwheeled to his bookshelf and began throwing the entire Code of Federal Regulations at YYW, who continually batted away book after book as if he were Babe Ruth. Finally, YYW missed one and a heavy tome slammed directly into his forehead. Bsh took this chance to retrieve his metal pipe to bring it down on YYW's prone body, but he was already up. The two exchanged more blows for several minutes before YYW spoke.
"I have failed you Bsh. I have failed you."
"I should've known that Thett was planning to violate federal regulations!"
"Bsh, the federal government is evil!"
"From my point of view it's the free market that is evil."
"THEN YOU ARE LOST!"
More blows were exchanged before finally YYW leapt onto the coffee table.
"It's over Bsh! I have the high ground!"
"You underestimate my jumping abilities!"
"Don't try it--white men can't jump."
But Bsh did attempt to jump. And as he did, YYW brought his baseball bat down on his knees and suddenly the fight was over. Bsh lay on the ground moaning.
YYW got up to leave, but couldn't stop without saying his piece.
"You were the first mate! It was said that you would destroy the Russians, not join them! Bring balance to the market, not leave it in darkness."
"I HATE YOU!" Bsh spat in response.
"You were my husband, Bsh. I loved you!"
And with that, YYW turned to leave. Slamming the door behind him, he noticed for the first time a flyer tacked to the door:
"PRESIDENTS RAP BATTLE TOURNAMENT!
Winners and their entourage receive a private meeting with President West himself!"
Suddenly YYW was struck with inspiration.
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Thett was incredibly nervous. As confident of a guy as he was, taking part in an intelligence community coup to depose the president and declare yourself interim President-King would rattle anyone. Mueller had outfitted Thett in the finest robes that money could buy along with a brand new Smart Crown that connected to both his iPhone, and his similarly new jeweled iSword.
But for better or for worse, today was the day. He had gone over the speech again and again with Tyrone who, in addition to his musical talents was a noted public speaker. Tyrone would be sticking around in Thett's administration as his speechwriter and also to provide political cover in case his blackface photo surfaced.
Thett was jerked out his thoughts by shouting and the sounds of a tussle. Leaving his private chambers, he saw YYW fighting Robert Mueller as RationalMadman stood by sheepishly.
"What's going on here! Stop!"
"Thett, do you have any idea what he did? He assaulted an FBI witness and left him in critical condition. The entire damn department is on the highest alert now. This idiot blew up everything!"
"Thett, you've got to listen to me" YYW interjected "Please, I have a plan that could fix it all, you don't have to do this!"
"Robert, please allow YY to speak with me."
YYW gave Mueller a dirty look and then showed Thett a crumpled flyer.
"Read this! This is our key to getting to President West and explaining everything."
"But I don't know how to rap."
"I don't either...but he does." YYW gestured to RationalMadman. "He does."
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@TheDredPriateRoberts
thats horrifying, and definitive proof that some of the things people in this thread are saying would never happen if they were legal have already happened
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@3RU7AL
Why can’t you give a yes or no answer? Do you believe giving a 39 week old fetus a lethal injection because the woman decided she doesn’t want a baby would be morally permissible?
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@3RU7AL
Do you believe it would be morally permissible to give a lethal injection to a fetus at 39 weeks because the woman doesn’t want a baby?
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@3RU7AL
When asked, the co sponsor of the Virginia bill said that the legislation would permit abortion up to the moment of birth. The governor of Virginia suggested leaving infants to die if they were unwanted. I’ll take their word for it, not yours
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@3RU7AL
thanks for proving my point that public opinion is almost impossible to nail down
Your proposed scenario is ridiculous. There are no obstetricians that also perform abortions. The waiting period for an abortion is currently about seven days. If a woman goes into labor, IN A VERY PRACTICAL SENSE it is quite simply too late for an abortion
Imagine if the question was posed to the public. Is an abortion seven days before the expected delivery date for the sole reason that the woman changed her mind morally acceptable? It’s impossible to know for sure until someone polls it but I except far, far fewer than 13% would approve
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@Ramshutu
No, I think something like that would be extraordinarily rare. However that doesn’t mean it would never happen and that certainly doesn’t mean it should be legal, as mustardness and 3RU7AL are advocating
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@TheDredPriateRoberts
i can’t figure out if he’s a troll or not. He would have to be very dedicated to what’s not that funny of a troll if he is one...but I just can’t imagine an actual human sitting down and saying “wow trumpanzees, that’s a good one!”
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@3RU7AL
Trying to figure out public opinion is like trying to nail jello to a wall. Only 13% support abortion in the 3rd trimester (https://news.gallup.com/poll/235469/trimesters-key-abortion-views.aspx) and I would imagine among those people there are a lot of caveats. I can’t imagine that many people even in this group would be okay with the position you and mustardness seem to be advocating, that an abortion mere hours before delivery for the sole reason that the woman changed her mind about wanting a baby would be morally acceptable.
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@mustardness
I just wanted a simple yes or no answer because supporting abortion on demand up to the moment of birth is an incredibly extreme position that’s probably shared by <1% of the population.
There’s no reason to be so rude, by the way. I haven’t insulted you.
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@3RU7AL
sure. that doesn’t mean that you can’t criminalize certain medical practices
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