Ramshutu vs RationalMadman Rap Battle
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With 3 votes and 2 points ahead, the winner is ...
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Full on Rap Battle. 4 rounds. No rules.
Insults are expected, this is a rap battle. Whoever has the bet rhymes, insults and flow will be declared the winner.
But thankfully I’m up against the easiest person I can think of for me to Diss.
It’s so bad, I’m in two minds whether to mock him harder;
Like punching a dude in a coma - it’s easy but I’d feel bad after.
Pfft who am I kidding: let’s lay down a beat with the sound track of his life: laughter.
So where to start - shit, how long is the list?
It’s hard to be original against the guy that everyone’s dissed.
He’s gunna trying to make this into a dick waving contest.
Sorry bro, waving? you’ll just be jiggling at best.
At least that’s what I think, when I squint at what I think could be your wood.
To be frank that shit is tiny: and my eyesight ain’t that good.
It all makes sense, it’s not news: when you read any of the shit he spews; you know something is wrong,
because literally no one is that angry for that long unless somethings all fucked up with their dong.
I feel bad for the guy, his love life cant be easy,
His girl be like “Is that a thumb tack in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?”
Let’s face it, this guys dick gotta be broker than DDO right now
Hence all the rage and bullshit spewing from his mouth.
To be honest, I’d yell at people here if one day I was tapping something hot
And then ask “how was it for you” and she answered “how was what?”
Despite having a package that girls can’t barely even feel,
Like Ron Burgandy, RM thinks he’s kinda of a big deal,
Mmm, Really? Is there some hidden talent that you feel you had to conceal and need to reveal?
No, at best you’re just a retarded, incoherent clone of MagicAintReal
Oh no! Here come the slew of angry PMs. Better break out that jumbo Costco pack of depends.
Cuz he’s gonna shit his pants in rage so bad, it be coming out both ends.
Then finishes it off with “hey, here’s this debate, vote for me, let’s be friends!”
Forget mental heavyweights chumps like Einstein, newton or even Forrest fucking Gump.
If I wanted to find his equal, I’d pull my pants down and take a dump.
I’d produce two pounds of shit with more debate skill than you do.
If I ate a vanilla ice CD first, it’ll probably rap better too.
I’m not saying that RMs dumb but - well yes - actually I am saying he’s dumb.
To be fair, insulting him is getting to the point it’s not even fun.
I’m holding back nearly as much as I can
But still it’s like a battle of wits with unarmed man.
If that unarmed man was also concussed and dazed, and if his brain had been puréed.
Oh, and was high on crack and was plain just “having a bad day”
RMs debates and posts are special, in every single thing he say.
But of course I mean special in a “Ralph Wiggum” type of way.
Best be sure mother fucker, I’m the DebateArt Walker Texas Ranger.
You should be sitting at the back of the very short bus right now saying “haha, I’m in danger.”
Excuse me Ralph, but what the actual fuck was that?
Was that supposed to be a rap?
Here, take twenty dollars, buy yourself “an idiots guide to battles” - you don’t even have to pay me back.
It may let you work out how to get from where you are to where you need to be,
which is about 5000 times better, and less shitty to read.
Seriously, Did the MS office paper clip pop up during your task as you were typing and ask,
“Hey it looks like you’re trying to fit your whole head up into your ass!”
Well, we’re both happy to help you out on that with no extra cost,
get some lube, apply some some force and of course,
Consult with all the guys who’s salad you’ve tossed.
I’m not judging, I don’t care whether it was because you were young, or starting from the bottom rung.
But it’s the only way to explain all that shit seems to be coating your tongue.
Why is it so bad? Well while I’m mocking you, you just sound plain whiney, your
I don’t want to go near a fleshlight with lipstick and googly eyes.
You hunker down the only girl you’ve ever fucked in your bunker,
With pussys that detach right out, so they’re easier to clean.
Even though she’s plastic, she probably still leave if you let her,
one look at that prick, and she’d be like “I’m good, I can do better”
What next, oh yeah: “dunce brained, mundane”: who knew!
It shouldn’t be that hard to pull up something to quote,
This is my temple, and I’m your personal fucking devil, you should ignore me at your peril,
Because I’d need three brain injuries and a lobotomy just to think down to your idiotic level.
I mean look at this, ignore the obvious stuff I can bring,
I don’t know how that dog reference hits you,
Your bark is worse than your bite, and even your bark is pretty slight,
Quite frankly you should just quit now and give all your ELO to me,
I’m master of the universe and I’m working to the top each time I win it, catching up on your shitty digits
I’m Isaac fucking Newton here and you have to admit it,
Did you look at that bucket of piss and think this is what you need
Did you really just go with Ram, and famalam?
Shoulda gone with Ram Night Shamylam.
The twist could have been you’ve been retarded this whole time.
Shit, I can’t get over how bad that was. Hot damn.
It’s Like Dr Suess had a stroke after snorting more than a few grams.
I do not like your shit raps and spam. I do not like them Ram-I am.
This humiliation could all have been avoided,
and your shit didn’t have to be so disjointed.
And to be sure, I’m not sad, or mad, I’m like your dad:
not angry, just really disappointed.
You’re the GOAT? Erm no, we’ve all read the last few sessions.
I reckon, that with some lessons and directions, and if I’m not present
you could maybe work up to the be the greatest of all the last 3 seconds.
Your like one of those dudes who can’t even sing in key,
but is so fucking deluded they go on X factoronin TV, the judges disagree,
and he yells and screams and is escorted out by security into obscurity
Well In this case I’m Simon Cowel, see, and it’s a big ass no from me.
You’d better bend over, your done,
You’re like nun with big tits and no wits,
looks like you have promise but just won’t deliver.
I’ve haven’t seen your dick, no matter what you assume.
You’re like a ken doll, there ain’t nothing there at all:
fuck, even Trump and Mike Pence would give you a free pass right into the girls stall.
But when you ready, maybe one day you’ll be able to hold that tiny member steady,
and get ready to pop your Cherry.
But right now even drag queens look down and be like “pick a fuckin side already.
Your dick is “Tall with piety”, are you kidding me? You shouldn’t be let out in society.I thought it weren’t possible but my respect for you got shot down and ceased, and just decreased,
this sounds like a phrase you got from your Catholic Priest.
But I don’t want to bring back any of your depression or repression,
I guess “what happens in confession stays in confession” at least.
I see you googled the Vikings.
You’re terrible at history and at least you being here will help you learn some.
You see who built York? William one, he was a Norman.
A motts a big ass hill with the castle up on top
And the only thing worse than you rapping about history is how badly you just fucked it up.
You’re Yoda? Don’t make me laugh
unless you mean that you sit around all day enjoying Frank Oz arm up your ass.
Maybe it’s all that up to the elbow stretchin perfection,
while you’re sitting there just etch-a-sketching.
Or maybe you are Yoda - remember how his last battle went?
Yeah, you’re done.
You’d leave now if you had any wisdom. You can’t beat me in your condition.
Let me give you a new mission, fuck off somewhere distant,
Then wait twenty years for someone better to save you from me in the Dagobah system.
Cuz I asked for Tupac and I got White Goodman from The film Dodge Ball.
“Let me hit you with some knowledge”
You know, the character Ben Stiller Played?
Who didn’t get irony, sarcasm or laid?
That’s you, bit like Kanye, but with even less talent of any kind I’m afraid,
Oh and never relevant, or popular, with the shit you say lower grade,
RMs like the Black Knight from the tale of the holy grail, but this tisn’t but a flesh wound.
He don’t got any arms or legs left after my rap, can’t even flail, he’s fucking doomed.
Hear that whistling sound? That’s his self respect trying to leave the room.
I would say his dignity too, But I assumed it died so long ago it would have to be exhumed.
If I had my ass kicked through and through by an almost middle age white dude,
We get it. He don’t lack confidence in his own ability,
I don’t think the guy could be funny if he tried,
Maybe as a kid, they found a tumour, and they had to surgically removed his sense of humour so he didn’t die.
Maybe he was in the marine corps before,
That’s the story you can tell your adopted granddaughters,
So you’re fired.
You’re rap is bad, and you should feel bad.
You tried putting on your big boy pants, and after 3 tries only got one arm in,
Don’t worry, let me play my tiny violin for you slim,
You just got pwned by the Ram
So let that sink in