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You post here your consent to be stereotyped and I will tell you which stereotype you are.
Situations change but high school cliques are not all that different to fundamental primate hierarchical structure.
Let's begin with RM, the weird dude who isn't the quiet dude. It's that choirboy who sings loud and proud, it's that nerd who yells "math club leader" as the proudest title of all. RM is the weirdest motherfucker who isn't quiet or ashamed of being it.
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Disclaimer: The below content is entirely satirical. Any events described within it are not necessarily factual. Any representation of any person, whether a site member or not, is not intended to be accurate or in any way offensive. Any use of negative terms or portrayal of any person or site member is for the sole purpose of satirical humor and is not intended to be offensive. I do not necessarily agree with any opinions expressed below.
Trigger warning warning
Warning: There is a potentially triggering trigger warning below. If you think that you will be triggered by a trigger warning, you may not want to continue reading.
Trigger warning
The below content is satire that may make fun of your own opinions. If you think you may be triggered by the satirical depictions of your own opinions, you may not want to keep reading.
DART Bard
Edited by SirAnonymous
1st Edition
NEWS
Mod vs. Mod Debate. Apparent Loser Gets Banned. Foul Play Not Ruled Out.
By ScumAnonymous.
Former chief moderator bsh1 returned to have another debate. Voting moderator blamonkey and bsh1 had a debate titled “Resolved: The US should institute congressional term limits.” DART user Whiteflame placed a 7-4 vote favoring blamonkey, and bsh1 was banned. According to Whiteflame, the debate was a “[v]ery close one”. Most DART users seemed to be pleased with the return of the former mod, but it was not to be. After the debate had concluded, bsh1 was banned.
Analysis
By Conspi Theo
At face value, this seems perfectly normal – until you consider one thing: bsh1 didn’t commit any ban-able offenses after his return. What, then, are we to make of his ban? Given the outcome of the debate, the answer is clear: the debate was some kind of gamble between bsh1 and blamonkey in which the loser would be banned. The evidence is even more incriminating because the voting had not concluded when bsh1 was banned. Clearly, then, blamonkey is guilty of some kind of foul play, likely in conjunction with some of the other mods. These facts go hand-in-hand with the apparent disappearance of blamonkey’s fellow voting mod Ramshutu, who has not been online for a month. There is a dark conspiracy here, and we, the users of DART, must seek to unveil it and bring down these corrupt moderators.
Mafia Wins Two Games Straight
By ScumAnonymous
The feared mafia has won the last two games. In Virt’s Mafia Game, MVP Ragnar played a nearly perfect game and won with a brilliant final defense. In JARGOM, Virtuoso, mod of the previous game, won as scum after town failed to find out Greyparrot, his partner and the game MVP, even though he had lurked throughout the entire first day phase. Clearly, town on DART is utterly incompetent. The last time town won was in a quickfire when Ragnar played a not-so-perfect game and outed himself in the final DP. DART is totally incompetent at this game. Mafia rules, town drools. MUAHAHAHAHA-oh wait, was I supposed to be fair and unbiased in this report? Aw, man!
Op-Ed:IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!
By Environmental Wacko
It’s a sad day for the environment, folks. After a few weeks off to have a celebration focused around the mythical Santa in order to avoid focusing on the mythical Jesus, I have returned and discovered the most terrible fact ever: It’s the end of the world. I’m not joking. Take it slower this time. It’s. The. End. Of. The. World. Do you know why? Do you want to know how I know? My NFL predictions had yet another negative week and my record fell to 27-31, less than 0.500 (I’d calculate exact values, but calculators use electricity,and that’s bad for the environment). I know I’ve predicted environmental doom in previous negative weeks, but this time I really mean it, and this time I really do have a 97% consensus! Get ready, friends. We’re all gonna die! The end is nigh!
Editor’s Note: The 97% consensus was of the author’s social media friends,not real scientists.
MEMBERS
Disgusted and SupaDudz have returned after temp bans. What a great thang!
Ethang5 has been temp-banned. That’s supa’ disgusting!
Singularity and Bullish have joined the site. Welcome! It’s a rather singular event for someone to join this site, but I’m feeling bullish about it. I have this nagging feeling that I’m forgetting other new members, but my brain, which is usually an iron trap, is toasted at the moment.
CLASSIFIED
The DART Bard is currently looking for more writers. We are especially interested in hiring members of the following positions:
International Reporter (News from other debate websites)
Current Events Reporter (Additional reporter to write articles on debates,forum posts, members, and other events)
Both positions pay approximately $0.00 an hour with potential bonuses of $0.00 per article. Writers are expected to submit at least one article per month and should expect editor input on articles. Some articles may be rejected or be returned with a request for rewriting,or otherwise edited. Articles will be sent by PM to SirAnonymous, editor of the DART Bard. Applications will also be sent to the editor. If there are too many applicants, some will have to be rejected. We of the Bard apologize in advance to anyone who is turned down. The public will be informed when the positions are filled.
DARTvivor S3 is looking for more members to sign up. Find the sign-ups in the Forum Games section and add your /in to play. See you in Japan!
Ramshutu is looking for someone with computer-related experience, preferably a Russian hacker, to help him get back into his account after the Illuminati locked him out for unknown but doubtless nefarious reasons.
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This is the official post for the r1.
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RM Profile Pic Vending Machine (edited with pixlr to eye-pleasing perfection such as I do with mine)
Imabench, one of my biggest rivals ever (actually the biggest) of my DDO-life, has an image I chose for him. I can help you find an image you love.
Castin, spacetime and a couple others also used my image.
Blamonkey still has the image I chose and edited for him and is testament to my talent combined with skill at it.
This will not be like Supadudz's, it is not a joke. I will put in effort in whether I hate you or not but you need to answer the following questions to fully get a good result:
- What 'feel' do you want the image to have?
- What trait do you admire more between being severely appealing and severely elusive.
- If you were on a desert island and ended up pitted between the option of being the alpha male/female or the cuck/loser what would you be on the food chain between the two?
- Are you someone who enjoys competition or wishes it wasn't a part of life?
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To those who wronged me, I forgive you. To those I wronged, I wish you well and understand your dislike for me.
For those I didn't wrong but you still detest me, I couldn't care less. For those who do not detest me, want you to understand that my quitting of this website is to do with seeking a more private life. One where I don't need to worry about bullies, authorities or any of that. I am becoming a more cowardly person at a first glance but a happier, stronger one in the long run who actually will do things with my life.
I decided to not do the moon landing debate, it may be so good or so bad and controversial, regardless, that I end up famous for it and that's not the kind of heat I want. Believe the Earth is round, that we landed on the moon, that everything is fine or that everything is not. Make your own mind up, I'm not your guardian or guide in this life.
I wish you all the best, seriously, but I will never ever be returning to this website. This time it's real, this time I have truly and utterly decided to do it and not felt pressured into it by anyone other than myself. I love the time I spent debating, I love that I'm quitting it now, the two are not mutually exclusive.
If you feel like I trolled by accepting debates just to quit, that's fine. I am whatever you say I am, to you as an individual at the very least.
I had an addiction to online debating, a real genuine addiction. It made me toxic, adversarial and a real cunt even to the admin and if I am to change into a person who cares for others and doesn't just 'fight against them to prove them wrong' I needed the losses, I needed the Ramshutus, the bsh1's and everyone involved from the Castins to the bench's to show me along the way just how wrong it all was.
I was completely incorrect about my role in the world and in life and I have finally understood it all. I have issues, I am angry, unhappy and never really got over a depression that I thought I'd gotten over years ago. I need to finally seek a different path in life and this is the time to fully pursue it, no more 'on and off' I know for a fact what my life was and was not meant to be now. I really wish you all the best and hope this becomes one of the best online debating sites.
I genuinely am sorry for what a cunt I've been even just yesterday on the website, I keep being passive-aggressive, aggressive and the cycle continues and it makes everything a lose-lose situations for me and the people I interact with over time as even those I grow close to want to distance themselves from me. I may end up seeking professional help but I doubt it, I think that finally fully dedicating myself to going on a path of agreement and healing will help me. This is not me denouncing debating itself as a bad thing but I do think once you get too into it, it can begin to alter you as a person and make you fight against everyone around you when all they wanted to do was help you.
I am not saying that I regret all my rivalries to be clear, I'm saying I should have been empathetic to my enemies and their victims instead of deciding my role was the one to 'prove them wrong' and 'bring them down'. I am a healer and lover, that was my role all along but what I've been doing in life so far is anything but that. I don't think I will ever fully change now, I've finished developing my personality pretty much and my core being antagonistic and avoidant will never truly change into being passive and agreeable but I do think I can channel it far, far better and become the best at whatever it is I do without needing to fight everyone while doing it.
I hope you all genuinely forget about me over time but given my place on the forum leaderboards and how much people talk about me, I'm sure it will take a few months to fully eradicate my relevance to the site as the rap battling 'raaaaaah I'm the best' guy who really clearly wasn't actually meant to be that great of a debater but I hope eventually you all fully forgive, forget and move on with your lives here and IRL never thinking twice about me.
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Aloha, DART!
I just wanted to update everyone on the approaching DART Hall of Fame induction process. This process will unfold in two stages, and will take one week to complete.
On or about the 14th of October, I will post a thread soliciting nominations from the usership in each of the three award categories (users, debates, and threads). Any user will be able to submit up to three nominees in each category for a maximum of 9 nominations per user. Nominators may choose to nominate less than the maximum number if they choose. The nominating window will close on or about the 17th of October. The nominees with the most nominations (approx. 4-6 per category) will advance to the second stage of the process. There are no formal criteria for determining who/what can be nominated; however, if I conclude that a nomination is wholly and blatantly incongruous with the purpose of the HOF (that purpose being to highlight good, notable, and/or consequential inductees), I reserve the right to withhold forwarding that nomination to the second stage of the process.
On or about the 18th of October, I will post a thread soliciting votes from the usership on the finalist nominees in each of the three award categories (users, debates, and threads). Any user will be able to vote for up to three nominees in each category for a maximum of 9 votes per user. Voters may choose to vote less than the maximum number if they choose. The voting window will close on or about the 20th of October. Those nominees with the most votes (3 per category) will be inducted into the DART Hall of Fame. In the event of a tie preventing exactly 3 inductions per category, the voting window will be extended for just those nominees who/which are tied. Those inducted will be formally honored with entries in the Hall of Fame thread. Those entries will be posted within 2 months of the voting period closing.
There are no prerequisites or eligibility requirements for users to participate in the Hall of Fame nominating or voting processes, except that they have an account on DART and are not voting/nominating from more than one account. Importantly, coordinating votes or launching campaigns for induction are prohibited. This process is about awarding those with merit or importance, and not about awarding those who can cajole the most voters. Violating these rules will be a moderatable offense. Also, more exact start and end times will be made clear in the threads in question, to ensure there is no ambiguity as to when the processes begin and conclude. Please be sure to check these times.
I am posting this update now to (a) brief you on the process, (b) give notice about the restrictions placed on campaigning and vote coordinating/rigging, and (c) give you time to consider who/what you would like to nominate, come October the 14th. Hopefully this update has been informative. Thank you!
-Bsh1, Chief Moderator
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