Salixes

For me, it's usually at the traffic lights.

However, for theists, it must be a daunting choice in selecting the right religion, i.e., the religion that is authentic, making the remaining 9,999 religions false and fraudulent.

So, tell me guys, how do you do it? I mean I really do admire your sense of decision making and there surely is a point after which you have thoroughly researched and considered which religion is the real one.

You would have to have a keen nose at sniffing out the religion that is genuine and rejecting all the other religions that are, well....snotty.

I am prepared, right here and now to place my reputation on the line and disprove the existence of God.

My pledge is genuine and unequivocal: I am prepared to disprove the existence of God.

So, please, can someone start the ball rolling and present a proof for me to disprove?

Science has finally been able to detect supernatural phenomena, which includes, of course, God.

I know I know, amazing, isn't it?

Apparently, there are now highly skilled professionals who specialize in detecting the supernatural.

They are called psychiatrists and have labeled these phenomena as delusion.

We all like to be identified as belonging to a prestigious institution, for example: "I'm a Harvard Scholar you kneeeoooow", or "I belong to the Bent Iron Golf Club where Tiger Woods is a member you kneeeoooow".

And, why shouldn't we feel proud and boast about our exclusive memberships. It shows to others what we are.

We call this phenomenon "Honor by Association". And, you would generally expect to be identified by the rules and doctrines of these particular organisations. That is only fair and reasonable. 

Church people who are elated by their faith will similarly feel proud to boast their association to their particular denomination: "I'm a Roman Catholic you kneeeoooow" or I'm a JW you kneeeoooow".

But then, if we look at the converse of Honor by Association, we have a phenomenon called "Guilt by Association".

For example: if you belonged to the KKK it would be reasonable and fair to label you as an extreme racist. Walk downtown in your hooded white gown and you will expect to get more than slightly criticised for being a disgusting racist. It just wouldn't make the cut if you tried to wriggle out of your association by saying, "oh no, I'm not racist, I don't go along with that horrible stuff, I am just a member because of the friendship and the cheap beer"

Like heck.

Similarly, isn't it the same with Church groups who are known for their bigotry, hatred and vilification of minority groups?

Like heck.

How many scientific facts have ever been disproven using religion?

A list of diseases decimated or eradicated by prayer:

 * 0

Q: Why did the theist chicken not cross the road?

A: Because it didn't want to know about the other side.

For that matter, does God see, does he speak, and does He hear? There is certainly no evidence that He possesses any of these faculties.

Does God read and does He write? Again there is absolutely no evidence of either of these abilities.

Is God computer literate? He apparently has no Website, no email address, no Twitter account, and no Instagram profile. 

So, if we are to accept that God exists isn't it a bit worrying that He is a senseless, dumb, illiterate technophobe?

Does your personal relationship with God interfere with your personal relationship with reality?

Father: Hey son, don't you think it's really great that the two of us are driving through the wild outback here in Aṉangu Pitjantjatjara Yankunytjatjara. Maybe we will get to experience some real Aboriginal culture.

Son: Yeah sure Dad. Hey, what's that up ahead on the road. It looks like an Aboriginal guy lying there.

Father: He's what you call an Aboriginal Tracker. He has special highly honed spiritual abilities you know. His religion is The Dreamtime which is the original and only authentic religion in the world. Because he is spiritually attached to the land he can actually listen to what the Gods are saying just by placing his ear to the ground. Say, son, let's pull over and find out what he is finding out. You might learn something here.

Son: Oh well Dad, this is really exciting.

Father: Hello there. We couldn't help but notice you lying there with your ear to the ground. What can you tell us?

Aboriginal Guy: Ehhh well, ya see dat little dot way along there in da distance?

Father: Oh yeah. It must be miles away. I can barely see it.

Aboriginal Guy: Ehh well, dat's a silver pickup and in da cab is a fella an his missus. In da back is four kids an a dead kangaroo wot day just hunted.

Father: Wow, and you can tell all that just by lying there with your ear to the ground?

Aboriginal Guy: Naaaah, you stupid whitey fella. I just fell off da back of da bluddy pickup.

Well, they wouldn't have fitted into the Arc otherwise.

Hey there dudes. Like, what's happeninnnnn?

You learned eons ago that there is no such thing as the tooth fairy and Santa Claus is just a cute hoax even though you go along with it anyway so you can get all those gifts at Xmas time.

But there is still one myth that you can't shake off. Yes, of course, it's all that religious crap that your olds get you to learn every Sunday when they send you along to the local brainwashing centre, uh, I mean Church. And we know why they do that, don't we? Yesssirree, they just want to have a bit of "quiet time alone together" on Sunday mornings.

So, here's a bit of timely advice from someone who had to go through the same dreary routine every Sunday morning.

Get kicked out of Church. Yep; I know, I know that it sounds a bit rad but follow these helpful tips and before you know it you'll be out on your ear from that scary, odd building with the funny pointed roof.

 * Step 1: Fart. That's right. After all, it's a perfectly natural bodily function and the resonance from that hard wooden pew will certainly make a lasting impression on the entire congregation.

Doesn't it stand to reason that if God invented religion, there would be only one religious text and one denomination of worship?

Well, He made everything, didn't He?

I think it fair to say, and all theists would agree, that when you die you become closer to God.

It stands to reason really and no matter how hard one tries to deny it, it is a watertight, irrefutable statement of fact.

I am even prepared to admit that when I die I will be closer to God.

In fact, I say quite unequivocally that when anyone dies he or she will be closer to God.

Because the fact is, God does not exist.

We have all heard the continuous ludicrous, offensive banter from gun lobbyists:

And of course, the ever-popular and gut-wrenching pea-brained logic, "guns don't kill, people kill".

Anyone with a brain larger than a pea can figure out that it is "people with guns who kill."

Some may say that it is Churches that are bigoted and incite hatred.

Others may say that it is people who are bigoted and hateful.

But, if we put the two together, we could have a deadly combination:

Surely, should it not be: "It is people who belong to Churches who are bigoted and hateful."

....it would have to have been a totally absurd question.

......or at least 99.99% of them will go to hell.

You see, there are 10,000 Gods known to be worshiped around the world, each claiming to be the one and only pathway to eternal life and most have some sort of punishment for choosing the wrong religion, or dare I say, for being an atheist.

Such punishment usually takes the form of spending an eternity in a massive furnace where not a drop of water will touch your tongue. You will be constantly prodded and whipped. And you have to endure consuming hot beer, chili dogs and deviled wings. You will also be subjected to watching endless repeats of the Brady Bunch and Celine Dion will be constantly blurted through the PA.

So, really your chances of spending an eternity in a great luxury resort somewhere up there are pretty slim to say the least.

If you happen to be unfortunate enough to be a Christian, your chances of going to the promised land are practically diddly squat. There are about 30,000 Christian denominations and, yes you guessed it, each one claims to be the one and only pathway to heaven.

So, here's my advice to all you God fearin Christians out there with one of them plastic Jesus dolls sittin on the dashboard of your car. You'd better be a totin yourselves down to your nearest lottery store and gettin a ticket in the next 100 million dollar draw. 

Because your chances of winning all them lovely green backs is almost dead certain compared with where you think you're goin when you fall offa your pearch. You can sure as Hell bet on it.

The standard of morals and ethics among theists has always been called into question.

Is it any wonder, since religious followers adhere to many values that were in vogue in barbaric, crude and less civilized times?

Christian Churches, for example, issue decrees:

 * Telling followers how and when to utilize their genitals.

 * To vilify and incite hatred toward those of minority groups.

 * That those who are diagnosed before birth as being virtual vegetables must live a life of being a miserable burden on families and society.

 * That those with a terminal illness must suffer a long, painful and gruesome death as well as causing suffering and distress to family members.

We can accept however that not all Christians will follow every such repulsive rule to the tee or to the same degree as others. The same applies to normal secular people to some extent. We all have varying degrees of morals and ethics.

Here's an interesting moral dilemma scenario that reveals the degree of morality and ethics that you may have.

A very successful and shrewd Company Director was in the process of employing a new secretary. He devised a cunning way of testing how honest, ethical and moral each candidate was in order to decide who to employ by placing a $50 note on the floor of the reception before each interview.

 * The first candidate picked up the note and discretely put it in her pocket.

 * The second candidate walked up to a donation box on the counter where she inserted the bill.

 * The third candidate had no hesitation as she walked up to the receptionist to hand in the money.

Which candidate did the boss end up hiring, and why?

The answer, which will astound you, will be posted soon. 

A priest.

I have taken on board the considerable amount of flack I get for being negative about religion; Christianity in particular..... (However, I do maintain that exposing lies, deceit and bigotry is hardly being a lying, deceitful bigot oneself. One should not shoot the messenger.)

....so I thought I might just pass comment on something good in the Bible. For example, there are many,..... oh well, a few,....ok, at least one great piece of good advice contained in the Great Holy Book (and man, it is so holy you could strain spaghetti with it).

"Thou shalt not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination." (Leviticus chapter 18 verse 22 [1])

Now, let's just unpack these inimitable words of advice, shall we? The operative word being: "lie".

For example. When (as a male) you are out with your (male) mates, and especially after more than a few frothy, cleansing ales you are likely to boast (ok, let's be frank....lie) about the one that got away.

You go home and, wearing your beer goggles lie with your wife, "Geeziz, your tush looks great in those jeans".

So, you just ain't going to lie with your (male) mates in the same way you that would lie with your (woman) wife.

That's a great bit of advice about how we should lie don't you think? And just to drive home the point, let's look at the absurdity of the converse.

You wouldn't lie with one of your mates, "Hey Gary, your tush looks great in those jeans". You could bet a wombat on predicting that you will be wearing your Four X all over your head, not in it.

And, upon returning home you wouldn't lie with your wife by gratuitously carrying on about the marlin that slipped off the boat after a marathon 10 hour battle of reeling it in. Less than halfway through your lie she will have dozed away into the land of nod and you will be certain that you will not get to, er well....lie with her that night.